Happy Mother's Day

A BIG happy Mother's Day to the mothers of the world! Not just to you conventional mothers but to all of you expecting mothers (LPS!!), you future mothers (keep trying, it will happen for you!) and to all of you who mother others with no title attached.  This used to be one of my LEAST favorite days of the year (sorry Momo!), but it was a celebration that reminded me of the big childless hole in my life.  That has certainly changed and now I am a mother 3 times over, but I still remember the sting.  So, I want to open up Mother's Day to everyone who provides love and support to others - we are all real mothers and we all deserve to be celebrated today (and every day)!

I am personally celebrating Mother's Day by watching Spider Man in bed, eating chocolate and having my third tea of the day!  Again, not conventional, but to each his or her own - this is my idea of a good celebration day!  For the next hour, while the babies are all sleeping, I will happily indulge in this silly pleasure (even though, I have to admit that this movie is pretty atrocious thus the blogging!).

The weekend has been fun.  We went to a new mall yesterday (right next door to our old mall - go figure!) which has a great open space indoor play area for Neve.  It has lots of climbing apparatus and as a Wild Animal, Neve LOVES climbing, so she really enjoyed it.  I liked the people a bit better at the open playground than the Plastic Playworld set, so I may be giving up my membership card and joining this new open air play forum.  There's also a very nice (yes, I said nice, not just descent) food market in this mall and our refrigerator is now busting over - AND they deliver, for free, so I see a real future with this place!  We topped this mall excursion off with a lunch at TGIF (chicken caesar salad, hamburger with fries, coke from a large red plastic cup - the works!). I assure you that we are still in fact in New Delhi, India not Suburb City, USA!

After the mall, we came home, as you do, and had a cocktail party with some friends, Douglas and Chad, who we met last time we were in Delhi!  See pictures below of their 6 month old twin baby boys - these babies are ridiculously adorable and happy and smiley!  Chad and Douglas gave Ronan and Gemma the thumbs up and it was really nice to catch up with them and to see that they are doing so well!  It was also a trip to have newborn twins, 6 month old twins and the Wild Animal all in the same place -- such huge changes take place in the first year and it was like looking at some sort of discovery channel special.  Plus, a cocktail party was so super fun!!  We need more friends in Delhi to save us from the mall.  I think alcohol may be the lesser of the two evils! 

This morning Hamish went on his morning run with the security guard.  Yes, this has become a bit of a morning ritual.  The security guard now puts on his shorts and shoes after his night shift and waits for Hamish to emerge. He gets disappointed when Hamish does not show up, so Hamish now gets up for his regular 7am run and off they go - like it or not! 

I went out next for a run this morning and did my regular laps around the park.  On the way back, running along the road, I came up behind a man carrying a small girl.  She was Neve's size but thinner.  Her eyes were lined in dark mark-up and her expression was mature beyond her years.  She stared at me as I passed by and I could not take my eyes off of her.  She looked like a doll that was relinquished to her purpose - no fight in her, just a dead look of acceptance to her fate, whatever that may be.  I wanted to scoop her up and take her home with me, apply for an exit visa, wash off the make-up and let her revert to being a little wild animal herself.   

She has haunted me this Mother's Day - this possibly motherless child.  

So today, my heart and love go out to all of the mothers out there and to all of those in need of some mothering.  May you all be raised up by the glow of a mother's love.  May life be kind to you and when it is not, may you find a mother to scoop you up, save you, and provide you hope for a better future.

Much love,

G, H & N R G

Neve trying to "pet" Gemma.

In the moment prior to this photo, Neve ripped the pink blanket that used to be hers right off poor Gemma.  These twins better toughen up quick - it's dangerous living with a Wild Animal!

Ronan likes to hit poor little Gemma in the head. 

Neve with one of her fans.

Ezra and Cedric - adorable 6 month old twin boys!

The Wild Animal after a successful kill!

The cleaners love to arrange Neve's toys!

Gemma asleep under the covers.

Daddy and Ronan!

The Secret Affair

That's it - I have a confession to make and what better place to do it than out in the open public blog space for all so see!  I am seeing someone, well actually, two someone's on the side.  There, I've said it and I feel SO much better!  With Neve upping the attention ante and the baby nurses taking full control of the twins, I have taken to sneaking into the baby suite while no one is looking and stealing away with a baby or two.  We share secret moments together in my room in the afternoon plotting life with nanny help for Neve and without baby nurses and we have made wonderful plans for our futures together.  So that's it, I am having a secret affair with my twins and we are planning on running away together (and of course taking Hamish and Neve with us)!

This sounds like a joke, but is closer to the truth than I would like.  The twins are home and doing very well, but I have not gotten to really dig in and be their primary care taker and it's getting me down.  We came all this way to finally meet the twins and become a big family and now they are captive in the baby suite and I am running after the Wild Animal.  The baby nurses are doing a great job - don't get me wrong.  The current feeding routine is quite a undertaking and frankly they can get the twins to take twice the formula that I can.  They have magic feeding skills, I swear.

It's just all very murky waters with Neve being so needy and not having help for her just yet.  Luckily help is on the horizon!  We have the cousin of one of my besties coming over to help us with the rest of our trip and all the traveling and I am hoping that she can distract Neve long enough for me to really get my hands on the twins. Hamish keeps reminding me that this will happen soon enough and to be patient and so I will try. In the meantime I will have to be satisfied with stolen moments here and there with the twins and bide by time until our love can be out in the open for all to see.

Love,

G, H & N R G

Ronan telling Gemma about our BIG plans!

First bath for Ronan.  Safe to say he did not enjoy anything about it!

Gemma concurred.

Gemma decided that even after the fact she would 

let us know what a terrible experience that was.

My stolen afternoon with Ronan!! 

How adorable is he?!

Hitting Our Stride

We took the babies back to the hospital for a checkup and some blood tests yesterday morning and I am happy to report that after only 2 days home they are back up to their birth weights!  Yay!  With the amount of fatty fat formula being pumped into those two they are sure to double themselves in no time (which would mean they would still only be the size of roasting chickens but seeing as they are more the size of small guinea hens at the moment, that would be a big improvement!).  Something about small babies reminds me of fowl - what can I say!

The doctor's appointment went surprisingly well.  It's like everything here, just when you think you have something categorized and sorted out, it often goes in the opposite direction.  The doctor's office for appointments is in the basement of the hospital (ie cool all year round!!) and there were no people waiting so we were whisked in and out.  The doctor was very good (this is a different guy to the Sunday discharge doctor) and I am starting to really like him.  He did a very thorough exam of the twins and was very happy with their health. And in case anyone was concerned, after inspecting Ronan's diaper region, the doctor loudly pronounced that Ronan's "jewels" were in "EXCELLENT" condition!!!  This being important of course, as he told me, because men need to be able to carry on their lineage and it looked to him like Ronan has all the right parts to carry on and on!

After the babies were safely back at home, we took the Wild Animal (this is what I have taken to calling Neve these days) to her favorite place - the Mall!  Neve gets terribly bored in the apartment (even though it's twice the size of our apartment back in NYC) but in the Mall she turns on the charms.  We had what would have been a lovely lunch at an Asian fusion place in the Mall but the Wild Animal was restless and screechy and tossing food everywhere.  So on we went to the Plastic Playroom to let the Wild Animal romp a bit in her native environment (see photos evidence below).  I actually bought the value card for the Plastic Playroom so we can go at least another 10 times before we leave!!  How did this happen? Delhi has turned me into a Mall Rat Momma!!

So what else  - ok, yes, we are now starting the exit document process for the twins.  I, of course, am like "we have three weeks, what's the rush?" and Hamish is like "I don't want to have any issues so let's push to get it done."  And so the push as begun.  We had the photographers over to take the babies photos last night and that was a great improvement over last time with Neve.  They came to our house and had a very professional routine.  With a great show, they slathered themselves in hand sanitizer (a very thoughtful touch, I thought) and one acted as the baby handler, while the other snapped the pictures.  It was quick and easy and by 8pm last night we had a fist full of small passport photos.  They did a great job and in fact I am thinking of having them back to do a family portrait before we leave Delhi.  I swear Gemma's passport photo is the best picture we have of her so far!

Next in the process is to complete the US citizenship papers, the passport application and the Social Security application and take all of that with the birth certificates (when we get them) to the US embassy.  This time around it's a one stop shop at the embassy!  We do the DNA test at the same time as we lodge ALL the documents which saves several steps in the process (ie last time we had to do DNA, then citizenship, then passport, then the rest of it).  By my estimate, we should have citizenship and passports by the end of next week.  Only glitch could be the timing with getting the DNA testing back from the US.  We are not planning to leave until the 28th so I'm pretty hopeful that we have enough cushion built in for a few bumps which you have to expect here.  I hope have not jinxed us by just writing that out loud!

OMG - Neve JUST went down for a nap and is crying like she wants to get up!! WILD ANIMALS NEED THEIR SLEEP OR THEY ARE VERY DANGEROUS!!  I'm going to choose to ignore that for a minute . . . . . ., ok, there we go, all's quiet!  It's about time for the cleaners to come in to wake her up, so moment of calm is not going to last - I better speed this up!

I am LOVING our baby nurse - Anila.  She is wonderful with the babies and patient and sweet.  She just has this lovely manner and when she gets near a baby she starts talking in this little sing song voice that the babies LOVE.  This woman is in the right profession!  The Wild Animal has also taken to her as well and Anila finds the Wild Animal to be a fascinating creature.  Anila pretends to chase the Wild Animal and the Wild Animal scurries about, giggling and looking over her shoulder to make sure that Anila is still after her.   The Wild Animal likes to crawl up the marble stairs to the baby suite and hang out up there with Anila, grabbing creams and spurting them on the floor, taking Anila's beautiful sari wrap in her mouth, pulling dirty diapers out of the trash can, pointing at the crib and saying "baby", you know, the regular stuff.

The baby suite is the only room we have with a view - granted it's to the road and front gate, but it's still activity and the Wild Animal likes to bang her fists against the windows and watch the busy world go by outside.  There's a bridge that goes over the road just in front of us and people are constantly up and down it and the Wild Animal has actually gotten a few people to wave her - she's exceedingly adorable when she wants to be!

We have settled into a bit of a running routine in the early mornings now.  There is a very large park pretty close to us that we had been deterred from using because it's about half a mile away along two very busy roads (lot's of crossing - seemed too intimidating).  But, thanks to the ipad, we found a cut through road that is smaller with some markets and it goes almost from our apartment right to the back of the park (having an ipad has serious advantages here by the way!).  This park is like 3 times the size of the one we used to run in last year and it has hills (not a selling point for me, but still).  It is an absolute traffic jam of human walkers and the path is pretty small so we are really honing our passing skills, but it feels great to get out their and be a part of the life of the city.  I noticed a small children's playground in the middle covered with trees, so I may stroll down there with the Wild Animal one evening at dusk to check out the scene.

I went out first this morning and Hamish went next.  When he came back he stayed outside talking to the guards for a long time.  Neve heard him and was fussing by the front door, so I carried her out to see what was going on.  Hamish and one of the guards were sharing a glass of water and swapping running stories and I thought  -  how nice.  The guards (there are like 3 of them), as they always do, tried to get Neve to let them hold her - which has become something of a game to her.  They reach their hands out to her and say "come, baby, come, baby, come baby" in high pitched voices and she gives them a big smile like she might just let them take her and then she grabs me tightly and buries her face in my neck and everyone laughs, including the Wild Animal.

Turns out that when Hamish went to go running this morning he jokingly said to the security guard that he should come with him and, well, what do you know -- HE DID!  All dressed up in his long sleeved blue shirt, dress pants and flip flop/sandals, the night time security guard joined (and kept up with which is not easy) Hamish on his run around the park!  Now that must have been a sight!!  I have this image of people clearing the path as the Presidential candidate jogs by with his security detail!  We are starting to get to know the different personalities in our little apartment world and I hope we are on the verge of making some new friends.

I feel that we are finally hitting our stride here in Delhi and now we are off to the races!!

Love to all -

G, H & N R G

The Wild Animal in her natural habitat (ie enjoying Plastic Playworld).

This looks a little strange, but I swear no babies were 

harmed in the making of these passport photos!

Neve is really missing her baths.  She has to suffer through being 

splashed with boiled water (yes, we have cooled it!) in a bath chair.

Views of the street and overhead walkway from the baby suite.

I wish I had sound for you because this picture in no way 

conveys the noise and energy just outside this window!

View of front gate from baby suite.

The Homecoming

The twins are now home with us and I can't say it's a minute too soon.  I went yesterday morning with our day baby nurse, Anila (love that name), to take charge of the discharge of the twins.  Hamish stayed home with the little wild animal who of course slept the entire time I was gone!  The hospital was it's regular hot self and we had to wait in the hot lounge (with some little friends - not babies - see picture below) for the doctor to finish his "breakfast" before he would do the examination and let us be on the way (it was 11am by the way - "breakfast" must have gotten lost in translation).  

Once the doctor pronounced Gemma and Ronan healthy enough to leave, he sat me down in the hot lounge with other new parents awaiting his attention (privacy is not  big thing here) and went through a baby 101 seminar.  We need to feed them often (really?), no massage (cause it's hot), no powder (again cause it's hot), no baths for awhile (mention of my possibly drowning them if I as much as sprinkle water over their heads), something about a rectal thermometer (ouch!), general cord care (my alcohol wipes are not good enough and I have to buy special "spirits" down in the pharmacy), and some other sage advice.  Then he went on and on about the correct temperature for babies which in his estimate is between 24 C (75 F) and 26 C (79 F).  How strange I thought as I sat in a puddle of my own sweat seeing as it's got to be much closer to 100 F in here now!  You might want to take some of your own advice doc - no wonder my babies are wilting.

Bottom line on the hospital - I should have taken those babies out on day one.  Ronan's red face splotches were looking really bad and little Gemma's head was soaked in sweat.  Even though the babies are on a weight gain formula (that stinks something awful because it's so rich!) and were supposed to have been fed every 2 hours, they have both lost weight since birth - ugh!  Gemma is down 5% and Ronan is down 8%.  Anything above 10% is troubling and with pure formula fed babies on fatty fat formula, the scales should be moving in the other direction.  What have you people been doing to my precious babies in this "hosptial"!

 So the nurse bundled them up (not sure why) and Anila and I each grabbed a baby and bid the hospital a curt farewell.  When we got home, we took the babies up to their grand suite which had been cleaned and cooled down that morning and put them together in their fancy crib.  Anila made them little pillows and then set about readying to feed them.  Neve was up at this point and ran around the baby suite pulling whatever she could reach off of the top of dressers, trying to climb up the side of the crib and then settled on playing with the phone (ie wrapping the cord around her neck and smacking the receiver on the glass table).  I took Neve down for lunch and left Anila to it.

When Neve went down for her nap I came back up and Anila said (sort of in a surprised way) that the babies had each taken 50 ml of formula.  In the hospital, they had been feeding them only 30 ml per feed.  Ok, well, it does not take a baby rocket scientist to see where things have gotten off course.  The twins are a little slow in the eating department at this time (I mean really painfully slow!) and I think the nice hospital people sort of must have lost patience after about the 30 ml mark.  Anila and the night nurse, Marianna, are thankfully very patient and sit for about 45 minutes per baby stuffing them full of fatty fat formula!  Sometimes a feel a bit like they are force feeding little twin ducks for a very special foie gras - yuck - but in the long run this is what's going to pack on the pounds!! 

Turns out that in the last 24 hours the twins have consistently taken over 50 ml per feed!  Yay!! We have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow and we'll see what a few days with good home cooked meals has done for their waist lines! 24 hours in, I am also happy to report that Ronan's red blotches are almost gone and Gemma is really enjoying sleeping right under the a/c!  Home has been great - for all of us!  The twins are still frightfully small by my appraisal, but if we can pump them up on lots of fatty fat formula over the next couple weeks, we will surely get some meat on their bones before we travel!  

Things feel overall - well, really GREAT!  We are done with the birth anxiety and the horrid hospital visits and are all home as a big ole family!  I am LOVING it!  Neve slept an actual 12 hours last night (her regular at home) and has had two naps today, giving me some time with the babies.  I took Neve to the Mall after breakfast this morning and we had a romp in the big plastic playroom, a bottle and a caffe late, respectively, and a visit to the Food Bazar!  Hamish is getting stuck in to a bit of work and the office seems to be running smoothly.  We have now been out for not one, but two actual jogs in two different parks that are near us and that has been great (although best if done before 6am).  Hamish taught the cook to make pancakes this morning which he had never made before.  The first one was ok, the second better and the third was downright delicious - and he was so proud of himself that I had to sort of start liking him a bit more (and Neve is really taking to him, which means I really have to start liking him more)!

We are really blessed is all I can say.  There was a sick little baby in the nursery when the twins were first born and we spent some time with the parents in the hot lounge talking and waiting.  They had not named the baby yet because there was "too much tension".  It's a little tricky to be introduced to your newborns in the same small room where people are so worried about their own little baby hooked up to machines across the window that they have not even named him after a week.  We heard the doctor tell them the next day that the baby had a 98% chance of being perfectly fine - which sure made me feel a whole lot better, but that mother sure did not look like she believed it.  It's her job to worry and until her little baby is released from that hospital and is home with her, I seriously doubt the tears in her eyes are going to dry up.  

So we have been given not one, but three little miracles!  All very different and all a wonder.  To be here now, the mother of a big family of babies is a serious thing to contemplate given our history.  It's insane - an insane amount of responsibility, an insane amount of logistics, an insane amount of patience, and an insane amount of love.  When Neve was born people said that things in our lives would change and would never be the same.  They were right but only by a degree.  This time around, I can say with certainty that life as we know it WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!! We are outnumbered and out gunned and have to give over to being at the mercy of a merry band of babes!!!!  

Love to all -

G, H & N R G

Exterior Hospital

 Exterior Hospital Entrance

This lovely creature was about 6 feet above my head while I received the baby lecture.  

Luckily he did not have, "keep lizards away from the babies" on the list or 

I totally would have called him on it!

Gemma at home with mama

Ronan at home snuggling into his new pillow/puke rag!

Together again!! 

Ronan: "Where have you been these last few days? I'm so mad that I can't even look at you."

Gemma: "Thank god I can stretch my arms up now that you're not hogging all the space."

Gemma enjoying being a little princess!

Goings On About Town

It's 3am and I'm up cause Neve decided at 2am it would be fun to hang some, so we did, and now she's back in bed and I'm up.  So I thought it might be fun to hang out with you all some!

The Mall:  So Awesome

Well I never thought I would be writing this, but I am in big love with the big City Walk Mall!  It is about 10 minutes away and is just like something out of Dallas, Texas (except no blonds with big . . . . well, you know what I mean (and it's missing a Neman Marcus)).  The Mall has these things going for it:  (1) air conditioning, (2) nice baby store with mosquito wipes, netting and toys that Neve can play with, (3) a descent food market with some western treats and fresh bread, (4) Illy brand caffe lattes (in case you want one, you have to say the full "caffe latte" and not just "latte" when you order and forget about decaf), and (4) a huge plastic infused indoor children's play area called "Hang Out" (totally tacky, loud over the top play area for little monsters like Neve).

We took Neve to the Mall after our baby visit today to let her have some fun and to buy yet more small forgotten items for tiny twins.  On the first floor they had big loud speakers going and a stage and a crowd.  We avoided the mess by going up a level and then peering over the rails to see what all the fuss was about.  Two extremely well built American men were on stage being weighed and the crowd was going wild.  A weight loss contest?  Nope - a pre-boxing event weigh in event, of course!  I was expecting more Justin Bieber than Gladiator, but ok, and even in America I've never seen one of these weigh in things other than in the movies live.  I have to say that I felt a little bad for the boxer gentlemen - the whole thing was a little "Hunger Games" if you ask me!

Exercise Update

We've been debating whether to forge out and try a jog at a park that is not too far from us and that we pass often when on the way to the hospital.  One person has to stay back with Neve and we must be done by 8am or the heat will be unbearable.  So with all that as a deterrent to running, we've been instead working through our stable of workout tapes.  Hamish has drawn the line on Tracy Anderson, so I have to sneak those in alone if I want one but he'll happily do Yogalates and Boot Camp with southern Allison who talks about our "guns" during the bicep portion (but we don't have any weights so my guns will likely stay as is)! 

New Friends

Before we left, a very good friend of mine in NY pre-introduced me to another good friend of hers who's sister lives in Delhi (complicated, but anyway let's just call it a friend of a friend).  I got in touch with her when we arrived and she immediately had us all over for a play date and dinner.  She has a 4 year old daughter and 3 year old twins - so exactly like us (but the twins are boys and they are a little older, obviously).  She gave us great advice on twin raising and Neve was having the time of her life - their living room is like a preschool and Neve could not get enough!  And then we put her to bed in one of their cribs and had an adult meal with champagne and everything!  We really needed that boost and they were so generous that we brought home a car load of baby gear to use while we are here.  I am suddenly feeling very modern and spoiled with a state of the art pac n play and a stroller in Delhi!!

We also have upstairs neighbors who have just a twins (a boy and a girl) through surrogacy with our same doctor and it turns out they also live in New York.  What a small world!  They will be probably be out of Delhi in the next week so we must make some plans for a house party before they go.

The Weather

Hot, hot and getting HOTTER! Hamish reported this morning that in the next week it is going to get much hotter than it has been since we arrived.  I gave him a look like how could that be possible and he cheerfully told me that the average highs will be well above 100 degrees.  What wonderful news as I have been feeling a bit chilled since I arrived in Delhi!!

The TV Situation

Our apartment has excellent cable.  We get the news stations we like (CNN international and the BBC), HBO and a few other movie channels, cartoons and MTV and several other music stations.  I've gotten really into MTV and VHI which is not my normal cup of tea but they play a lot of Bollywood style music videos (shocking, right?).  Neve is mesmerized by Indian music in general and watches the screen and points at the dancers, then crouches down in a low squat and pumps her legs up in down with her little butt sticking out (this is Neve's form of dancing!) - all with a with a big smile on her face!  Adorable!!

Now that I've seen a fair share of these music videos, there is a definite pattern.  Macho man sees beautiful girl, beautiful girl plays hard to get, macho man and team of man friends do a man dance to win over beautiful girl and finally, beautiful girl and team of girl friends do a dance back to show that beautiful girl is not just all show, etc. etc. - and then they all end up in a big dance together and presumably fall in love!!

The main character man is always over the top macho - large untucked button down almost lumber jack shirt, chest hair, baggy jeans and boot type shoes (cowboy or grunge style).  His build is always on the larger/chunky side for men (especially the Indian men I've run into here) and there is just this general toughness that he exudes - at least until the dancing starts.  The dancing is so amazingly un-macho that it makes me giggle every time.  Macho man has gone to such trouble to be a toughy and then totally blows it with his dance moves.  They really are some of the silliest least macho dance moves you can imagine!  I kinda like it cause the macho guy thing has never done much for me, so I like to think that he's actually showing his inner comedic side with the dance but not sure that's the message I'm supposed to be getting.

Sign Off

Babies come home in the morning, so I better get some rest!  Next post will full of twin information and photos and I'm sure peppered with Neve insanity!

Love,

G, H and N, R, G

The Twins

I am thrilled to report that the twins are doing wonderfully!!  So much so that the doctor wanted us to take them home yesterday afternoon - less than 24 hours after they were born! Really?  Remembering the reaction of my sister Jennifer, the pediatrician, when this option was give to us with Neve (she basically said under no circumstances should you take newborns home from the hospital until at least 48 hours after birth!), we smiled and said that we would rather pick them up on Sunday morning, if that was ok.  The doctor gave us the Indian head bobble which in this case I believe meant, "if you have weekend plans and don't want to be weighed down by your new babies we will keep them until you irresponsible parents are ready to take charge of YOUR children!" Ok then, I thought, we are all set!!

We have had limited time with the twins and all joking aside I am actually very, VERY, VERY anxious to get them home to our apartment where I can spend some real time with them.  Probably a mistake in retrospect, but we are on our own with Neve at this point and well, she's been cranky, not sleeping, difficult, manic, etc. and not at all cooperative when we are at the hospital trying to bond with the new babies.  It does not help that it's over 100 degrees in the hospital which makes Neve (and me) grouchy and that there are stairs everywhere and lots of trash cans to get into and perhaps a little jealousy has already sunk in.  She is fascinated by the twins and points and says "baby" which is terribly cute - but she would really like to do some holding (ie man handling) of the twins herself.  If you happen to have a twin in your hands, she stands with her chest pressing against your legs, arms extended, screeching and trying to lurch her body upward to mangle, I mean, touch the baby.  

So the visits have gone something like this: (1) take hot car with Neve strapped to Hamish in the Baby Bjorn to hospital (bad for him cause she kicks a lot while in any sort of restraint and he has sustained some "damages" from the kicking if you know what I mean ), (2) climb 3 flights of stairs (there is no doubt about the science that hot air rises, by the way), (3) take shoes off to keep baby area "sterile" and get feet extremely dirty (mind you there is no hand sanitizer to be found and all sorts of people are in and out, but them's the rules!), (4) get the attention of the nurse who brings both babies to us all wrapped up and sweating, (5) try to manage Neve from killing herself, killing the babies and finally from us killing her, (6) get frustrated and overheated, and (7) repeat twice daily.  You can see why perhaps bonding under these circumstances would be difficult - right?  I am going to have to be patient with this process (and with Neve) and know that soon enough I will have all the time in the world to get to know the twins.

All that being said, we have been able to glean some information on the personalities of the twins between Neve distractions and heat stroke.  Gemma is pronounced with a soft "g", so say the word gem and then add a "ma" at the end.  Gemma is latin and means, as you might have guessed, jewel or gem and I believe she has been very aptly named!  Gemma's middle name, Wynne, is a modern take on Winifred, my Mother's name, and is meant to honor her (my Mother is also a twin herself!).  So far Gemma has Neve's baby personality - quiet, sleepy, prefers eyes closed, just likes to chill out and be held.  She is tiny (just 4 pounds) and does feel very much like a little jewel!  Her eyes so far look like Neves, but her lips are more heart shaped and her head is less round than Neve's and you can actually see that she has a little chin.

Ronan is a Gaelic name and one that has topped our list for a long time - it means "little seal".  Ronan's middle name is Clark which is Hamish's Mother's maiden name and is meant to honor her.  We had been planning to use Clark as a middle name long before we ever met Ronan - and as it turns out, he so far actually looks like a Clark according to Hamish and the Australians who have seen his pictures.  He has a prominent forehead, a strong jaw and Clark shaped eyes.  His nose and mouth look very much like Neve.  He already keeps his eyes open a lot and seems to be searching for people - it can't be at this age, but he will actually look you in the eye or stare directly at a camera.  It's a little unnerving for a one day old baby!  Hamish calls him the "little Observer" for those of you who watch Fringe.  He seems intense and he was quite put out just after he was born - all red and thrashing about in his baby hospital bassinet.  He makes little noises and settles down when you rub his little head which he love and tries to cuddle up into your hand.  You get the feeling that he really wants out of that hot hospital!  

Neve is making up for lost time by having a wonderful long sleep this morning which has given me the chance to workout, wash my hair, have a cup of tea that no one is trying to grab and to blog!!  What a fantastic morning!  

All our love, 

G, H & N R G

ps - A friend from work commented on how funny it was that the initials of our children put together spell NRG and she noted that we will need a lot of it the next few years!!  Very true!!!

Little Gemma!

Ronan - he got a little splotchy over night.  

Might need a facial once we get him home.

Neve attempting a swipe at the twins.

We fed the babies in front of Neve (big mistake) 

and she INSISTED upon having her own "ba ba".  

That's Gemma looking like a baby doll next to us.

Gemma with Daddy

See what I mean about Ronan's eyes! 

Mama and the twins!  

As another friend noted, I need to work on my double holding technique!

Late Breaking News!

The Twins Have Been Born!

We are thrilled to announce the birth of our daughter, Gemma Wynne Berry and our son, Ronan Clark Berry!!

Gemma was born first and weighed in at 2.015kg/4lbs 6oz and her brother Ronan followed weighing in at 2.3kg/5lb.  Time of birth was approximately 1am on May 4, 2012.  Our surrogate is resting and doing well and we are forever grateful to her for these amazing gifts.

We were not able to hold them tonight but will be back first thing in the morning to get our hands on our gorgeous new babies (wow - now that sounds good)!!

Love to all -

G, H, N, G & R

Gemma from afar.  

We can't wait to meet her in the morning!!

Neve pointing at Ronan and saying "baby". 

She's just starting to say words and we were pretty stunned 

when she kept pointing at Ronan and saying "baby", "baby", "baby"!!

Ronan was right by the window and he put on quite a show!

  

Cranky 

Jet lag has sunken its nasty teeth into my sweet baby girl and today has been, well . . . long and painful for everyone involved.  I went to bed at around midnight, Hamish turned in at 2am after putting in a day at the office (which woke me up) and then Neve was up at 2:45am, 3:30am, 4:30am and finally at 5am I gave up and took Neve into one of the unoccupied bedrooms to watch cartoons and CNN.  Unfortunately it was not the warm and fuzzy mother and daughter time I had hoped for - all tired and snuggly watching the tv and playing with blocks.  Instead Neve swung from "out of sorts whiney baby" to "maximum crying baby" to "sweet happy baby" like someone with a split personality disorder.  WELCOME TO TODDLER CRANKSVILLE!!

When Neve finally decided it was ok to have a nap later that morning, I crawled back in bed and felt certain that she would sleep several hours (and I would sleep several hours) and we would both wake up back to our old selves.  WELL I WAS WRONG!!  She slept less than an hour and again woke up on the wrong side of the crib.  This pattern repeated itself through the day and we never gained any ground.

I was EXHAUSTED.   2 hours sleep and a couple 45 minute naps were not cutting it on top of my own jet lag and frankly my nerves were frayed from dealing with the Neve mood swings (um, how am I supposed to manage with twins on top of this?? Let's not think about that right now!).  Hamish was trying to help with Neve and trying to work and he too had grown weary.  I realized too late that we had not made a plan for the day and before I knew it, we were destined to be house bound with a monster child.  So add crazy jet lag and lack of sleep to cranky and then toss in filthy floors and boredom and you get ONE CRAPPY DAY.

In retrospect there must have been some big Cricket match today as the cook ran out just after fixing breakfast with orders that we were to leave the dishes on the table because he would take care of it when he got back (this was at 10am and I don't mind clearing the dishes but it seemed like a big deal to him that we not touch them) and the cleaners who usually show up at around 11 were also a no show. At around 4:30 pm everyone mysteriously reappeared - game must have ended.

By then the Delhi dust was thick in the house and we had long ago cleared the breakfast dishes. There is a weird phenomenon here where even if you don't have a single window open and the a/c is using recycled air - after about 12 hours, the floors and every other surface (including your blackberry) will be covered in a light film of Delhi dirt.  You can literally feel it on your feet on the floor and in your hair (and see it all over the clothes and body of your toddler who has been scooting about!).

Well, with the lack of sleep and cranky Neve and feeling like a shut in, the dirt factor put me right over the edge!  I have decided to write this day off entirely and after this post, will try very hard to forget all about it. I will also try very hard to find some beer today, as I don't think I have EVER needed a drink as badly as I did after Neve finally put us out of her misery by going to sleep last night!!

The one funny thing that did happen today was that Hamish found an app on his ipad that translates English into Hindi.  You say to the ipad "make me spinach paneer" and it types in what it thinks you said and then you press a button and like magic it says your phrase back in Hindi.  Genius - right?  Hamish has been dying for pappodoms since we got here but our new cook can't seem to understand his requests at all.  So we're at the table having dinner and Hamish says to the ipad - "cook me some pappodoms" and the app says back "cook me some panda bears"! And at that point in this not funny day, I started laughing uncontrollably and Hamish started laughing uncontrollably and then Neve finally cracked a smile and started giggling at us - which made us all laugh even more.  I think we might be doing without the pappodoms this time around!

Twin news:  When we were at the Mall the day before cranky day, we got a text from the Dr that our surrogate had been admitted to the hospital with labor pains!  "Oh wow - this is really happening", we thought, and got all nervous and started rushing about to finish up the shopping.  But, as these things go, the labor pains stopped and now our surrogate is in the hospital but all is stable.  They are doing a planned c-section on Monday if nature has not taken its course before then.  So there you have it - we have an outside date - May 7 may be the big day!

Love,

G, H & N + 2

Setting Expectations When You're Re-Expecting (in Delhi)

We've settled in quite nicely here in our new home in Delhi.  The trip over from New York was surprisingly easy.  For emphasis so as you really get it, saying that a 14+ hour plane ride with a rowdy 13 month old was "easy" is saying A LOT!

The timing worked in our favor and Neve, with a little outside help (if you know what I mean), slept a good 8 hours on the plane.   For the journey, we traded in Neve's baby car seat for one of those Britax monster big girl car seats and when lodged into the window seat of the plane, she was sitting up in a big comfy first class seat with side impact pillows at the ready and just at the perfect height for maximum movie watching!  She does not watch much TV at home so having her own personal touch screen entertainment center was like a dream come true.  As a side note, and not sure what this says about Neve, but she had no interest in the Muppets or Cars 2 - but put on The Fantastic Mr. Fox and she was mesmerized - pointing at the screen and chatting to that old Mr. Fox - she watched it twice through and just loved it and we REALLY LOVED IT!

Plane arrived an hour early, no line at customs, Rahul the driver picked us up in a brand new mini-van/SUV with excellent a/c, traffic was a breeze, I didn't notice any smoke in the air, no cows to be seen, it was hot but not too bad really -- WHERE THE HECK ARE WE PEOPLE?  THIS CAN'T BE DELHI!

Our apartment is just off the busy highway (I'm going to think of that as convenient until proven otherwise) with a nice modern looking gate and about 10 helpful men who greeted us and all wanted to hold Neve.  Neve is at that "I don't trust strangers age" and well, we've just been through a big day with the flight and all, but she did not seem to mind all the attention so long as the nice men did not mind her pulling their hair, ears, noses, attacking pens in pockets, etc.  We are in less of a residential setting so far as I can tell as compared to our last visit.  This is a five story building -- all with long term and short term apartments/rooms.  We are on the first floor and greedily took all four bedrooms.  It seems a bit over the top at the moment as we are only occupying 2 but I have to remind myself that very soon this will NOT seem like a lot of space!

Anyway, each bedroom is spacious and nicely decked out with it's own bathroom.  We have a mini-living room as you walk in that has been converted to Hamish's office and a diaper changing area - an excellent combination!  There is a large separate room with a dining room table for 10 (plus Neve on the end in her attached high chair, so really 11) and couches and a tv.  Every room has a flat screen tv - and our new house boy friends love to turn them all on and blare the Cricket while Neve tries to nap.  We have some kinks to work out!  The kitchen is very big and clean and they have some fancy water filter that Hamish thinks is wonderful.  I agree that it's wonderful as long as the water has also been boiled once taken from said water filter station before entering my body or Neve's!

In short, I am pleasantly surprised by Home II in Delhi!  We had received a bad report about our apartment just before we left on our trip and I was seriously worried, but I think we are going to be more than ok here.  See Hamish, there are actually people out there who have higher expectations than I do!!!

So while we are on the topic of expectations, I'm just going to get some stuff off my chest.  I HAVE THEM GALORE ABOUT THIS TRIP AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO WITH THEM!!   We are essentially doing over what was a "once in a lifetime" experience and you can't really do that (ie, that's why they are called "once in a lifetime experiences" after all).  There is this natural, impulsive need to compare what we did before in Delhi and where we stayed before and what we ate before and where we shopped before, with what we are doing this time around.  Man it's getting on my nerves!

I want to bust through and get back to the pure firstness or newness or originalness or whatever of our first trip to Delhi to become parents and to meet Neve.  I was eating up the world with such an intensity - the emotional experience brought out a heightened delight in all that we came upon.  This experience, well, feels different.  I'm over the top excited to meet the twins, don't get me wrong, but in a different way than I was about Neve.

With Neve, we had wanted children for so long that there was a real build up when we came across to get her.  We were waiting in a foreign land to be initiated into the secret Order of the Parents - and trust me, that threw off a certain amount of emotional baggage all in itself.  And now that we are members of that Order (and quite happy to be!) and the secrets have been revealed, things are well, differnt in this waiting period.

This is a long and circular path to the point that I think I'm trying to make - it's ok that I feel different and that I have expectations about what the experience of becoming a parent via surrogacy in India is supposed to be like the second time around.  But, I need to JUST LET IT GO . . .  This time is going to be DIFFERENT and these little twins are going to be DIFFERENT and that's the way it's supposed to be!

Just before we came across I was talking to a cousin of mine who has two boys of her own.  I was saying that I can't imagine loving anything as much as I love Neve and she said, "oh you will be amazed - two other whole chambers of your heart will open up when those twins are born and you won't believe that you ever thought there might not be more space."  Of course I know this to be true.  I am, after all, one of 4 girls and as far I as I can tell, my parents (and parents everywhere) found plenty of space for numbers 2, 3 and 4.  I guess I'm just a pre-newbie second time parent playing right into all the regular anxieties!

So back to the new home and so as we can get the comparison thing done and I'm just going to say this once.  I MISS DELLIP AND MR. MOHANK SOMETHING TERRIBLE!!!! Because this is a bigger place, we don't have our own Dellip and instead have cleaners who come in once a day.  There are three of them, they are very nice, they do a good job, they want to pick up Neve (Neve wants to play with their trash bins and buckets of water) - but I can tell that we are not going to be sitting around watching cricket and eating pizza together any time soon I don't think.  Our cook is lovely and young with a big smile, but so far Mr. Mohank has nothing to worry about.  He is really trying and I like him but we've had some funny experiences (like Hamish having to show him how to scramble eggs and actually cook the toast to the point where it is not just luke warm bread but has some crusty brown bits).

There, it's out there, enough.

We are heading to the big Mall this afternoon to buy some additional baby stuff (still need a bassinet for the twins and a baby tub) and to let Neve have some fun running wild in a large air conditioned space.  It now makes me laugh to think back about the last time we set foot in that Mall, running out of bottles, Neve going nuts - this is certainly one experience that we can improve upon with little effort!!

All is well on the twin front.  We are heading into week 36 and our surrogate is on bed rest as a precaution but doing well.  If she makes it to week 37, they will do a planned c-section, so I think the latest the twins will be born is May 9!  We have really been debating the names and working much harder on the whole naming thing than we did with Neve and I am happy to report that if we have one boy and one girl, we are in great shape.  The other two combinations will result in some last minute scrambling, debating, horse-trading - something to look forward to!!

That's all for now, Hamish just came in to ask for the 20th time if I'm still blogging so I think that means he wants me to STOP IT AND GET OUT OF BED!

Love to all -

G, H & N + 2

Neve with our wonderful Nanny, Saba, just before leaving for the airport.  

Man do we miss her SOOOO much already, as does Neve!!

Luggage for this trip, including tiny human.

As a point of comparison, this is what we took last year. 

Bedroom of new apartment.

Poor Neve had to sleep on a mattress in the corner on the floor our first night here.  We've left it there as it makes for a nice play space/day bed in our room.  Owners think we are nuts!

Hamish's new office in the hallway/small living room.  

We pulled desks out of the bedrooms and it works well.  Again, owners think we are nuts.

Super deluxe changing station (used to be bar table with stools).  Big 

enough for Neve to squirm around on without falling off - cushy enough for baby twins.

Dining room table with Neve's chair attached to one end.  

Ketchup is always on the table just in case you need it!

Living room.

Britax car seat (ie first class seat on plane for Neve)

Our cook - Lelat

There are nice marble stairs leading up to the master suite and Neve is intoxicated by them.  Given the choice, she would go up and down these dang stairs ALL DAY LONG!  This why lovely chairs have been strategically placed in front of said stairs and we parents are giving up master suite to the twins.  

The sacrifices we make!  

When we arrived each bed was adorned with a special animal sculpture made from towels.  Yes, this is an elephant!!  We had swans as well which reminded me of my Disney World roots!

Epilogue

We arrived in Orlando, exhausted from our trip, concerned about the state of my Dad's health but excited to share Neve with the Florida family.  My Mom picked us up from the airport and I had Neve all dressed up in a cute little pink dress much to Hamish's dismay (he has a thing about not wanting to dress her too "girly" which I don't really get cause after all she is a GIRL!).

It was at this first meeting of Grandmother and Granddaughter that I realized how bad the family was holding up.  We had been getting all the medical facts and heard the concern in the voices over the phone, but to read the truth in the body language of my Mother made it much more real and much more terrifying.  There was a cloud over her face, the light was gone and there was a heaviness about her (and I don't mean her weight because she also looked like she was wasting away).  She greeted us in the way one would expect but something was not quite right; she was not quite there. Her heart and mind were in another place and with another person.  I knew then that we would not get her back unless and until we also got my Dad back.  After 50 years of marriage the two were really one.

The next morning I readied to make my first trip to the ICU to see my Dad.  Hamish set up his traveling office in my parent's home library and my sister Jen's nanny Pearl took charge of little Neve.  Pearl is a wonderful caretaker who adores babies and having her standing ready to help out with Neve made it possible for me to be with my Dad (and at Publix). That first morning I dropped off Neve and Jen's three dogs curiously sniffed at the new arrival all swaddled up in her bassinet - then they all snuggled in - each trying to be the closest to the little breathing creature.

Over the course of the time we spent in Orlando, I would often come to pick up Neve and find her surrounded by her cousins and the dogs and the birds  and Pearl.  Everyone on the one couch in the family room together, hovering over a sleeping or eating or awake little Neve.  Neve became their center of attention - a tiny magnet with incredible pull!

I braced myself as I drove to the hospital that first day - not really knowing what to expect.  Having been told things were bad, I was determined to keep a stiff upper lip and remain positive no matter what I was feeling on the inside.  My being in Florida it turns out was as much about being there for my Dad as it was about being there to support my Mom and sisters, so I vowed not to show fear or doubts but to remain positive.  I understood the dynamic enough to know that negative only brings on more negative and increasing the negative was not going to get my Dad any better. 

 
The nurse took me back to the ICU and instructed me on putting on the proper infectious disease gear.  My Dad had picked up some very bad infections from being in the hospital for so long so to enter his room you had to wear yellow gowns over your clothes and plastic gloves.  He was completely unconscious when I got there, but moving his body in a convulsive, repetitive motion.  It started like a wave that rolled  from his head, shoulders and hips to his feet and back.  Two seconds of calm and then it started again - over and over and over and over again.  He was sweating from the exertion but would not or could not stop.  

Nurses would come and go, yelling commands loudly -- but no response other than the repetitive motion.  The wounds on his face and neck due to the surgery that originally put him in the hospital were swollen and not healing well due to all of the movement.  He was on a ventilator through a trache in his throat and had a feeding tube coming out of his nose.  His hands were tied down to keep him from doing more damage.  The room was loud with strange beeps and lights blinking and lots of machines with tubes coming out of them and going into him.

Right, ok, deep breath, keep your cool -- I could feel my Mom and sister Rebecca looking at me to read my reaction.  The newbie again so soon - this time the ICU newbie!  I walked over and took my Dad's hand and said hello in the loud ICU voice - "IT'S GAELY, I'M FINALLY HERE!".  I wish I could say that he reacted to me, that he woke up, but no, that would not be until much later.

Days bled into weeks and the routine was set.  Mornings with Neve, go to the hospital and relieve first round visitors, have lunch with my Mom at the hospital cafeteria (complain because they charge for crackers), spend more time with my Dad, then off to Publix to grocery shop then pick up Neve, then start dinner, baths, bottles, clean up, repeat.  We ate dinner most nights at Jen & Rob's house but shared in the responsibilities - almost a communal lifestyle.  It was all really a blur only delineated by the progress my Dad was making or not making - which was the constant conversation point. 

We became a big presence in the daily routine in Orlando and I like to think that it helped to have us around.  My Mom had been mostly staying alone in that big house and now she had a daughter, a baby and an office all set up in her house. She had taken over the running of the house (a REAL lady of the manor!) which was my father's traditional duty and I marveled at how she grew more confident in the role and showed such pride in the fact that she had not killed one single fish or peacock!

Neve worked her magic with her good natured ways.  There was always someone wanting to hold her (or a dog wanting to lick her!) and she perfected the role of the distractionist.  When Neve was around, the conversation could turn away from the sadness and towards hope.  I don't think another person could have done more to raise the spirits of the embattled family. With Neve around it was ok to reminisce about childhood stories or to talk about innane things like bottles and poopy diapers.  She even worked her therapeutic ways on Uncle Rob - she somehow always ended up in his arms at the end of his work day and the two were happy as clams while the ladies did a major wrap of "One Life to Live in General Hospital - the Orlando Edition".  Really quite the soap opera!

After my Dad's surgery, when his neck had swollen up too much for him to breath on his own and the infections set in and his heart decided it was all a little much for it to deal with, the doctors had put him on a number of powerful narcotics.  His body was in constant motion with this involuntary convulsion thing and that caused the doctors to prescribe more and more drugs.  We had very experienced ICU nurses tell us they had never seen anything like his constant movements and when an ICU nurse seems scared, you pay attention.  These were dark days.

Turns out one of his heart medications was behind the involuntary movements.  This was something my sister Jennifer had raised with his medical team just as the movements started.  But the big ICU docs and surgical teams thought they had it all figured out and dismissed her outright.  It was only after we fought (and I mean fought) to have a neurologist check him that the neurologist focused in on the same heart medication that Jennifer had identified  as a problem weeks before and ordered that it be reduced and ordered that my Dad be weaned off the narcotics.  

The progress was slow going but eventually the movements lessened and he began having waking and talking periods.  He was in his own little world (and could actually be quite funny and quite sweet) and in time came all the way back to us -  just like some darn miracle.

My Dad has made a full recovery and we feel like we have been given a second chance as a family.  At certain points during his time in the hospital I can tell you that no one thought that was going to happen.  We were in Florida for almost five weeks, three or so of which he was conscious but he only remembers the last day or two we were there.  For the rest, he was in a fog of drugs.

There were so many moments and memories during this time that I won't soon forget.  The ICU nurse we did not like, yelling at my Dad "Mr. Sparks, Mr. Sparks, Joey Sparks open your eyes if you can hear me" and no response!  The multiple feeding tube disasters that almost always seemed to happen on the weekends when no one was around who could actually put the darn thing back in.  I spent most of my first Mother's Day in the hospital on just such a Sunday with Jennifer, Rebecca and my Mom.  All the Mom's together fighting for the patriarch.  There was the time that Rebecca taught my Dad to use the nurse call button before he had really regained all his mental capacities and he spent the day calling in the nurses every five minutes (and because she was our least favorite, we let him go at it!).  Classical music and Greensleeves (my Dad's favorites) being played over and over for hours at high volume until we were all driven insane by it and then when my Dad did wake up, him telling us to turn it OFF!

There were many mornings that I was sent in to the hospital with orders from Jennifer on demands to be made and doctors to be paged and diagnosis to be questioned - which I carried out with great "bad cop" flare.  I organized a book to keep track of everything related to my Dad's patient care so everyone would know what was going on.  I got the reputation as the "attorney" daughter and was treated with caution by the hospital staff.  You've got to do what you got to do to keep your Dad alive so no regrets here!

All in all a difficult and stressful situation, but all in all a family strengthening experience.  We came together and used our different skills to become medical care experts and health care advocates and family therapists.  We were demanding, pushy, and fought like mad dogs -- and it worked.  We took care of each other, we gave each other hope, we laughed because some times you just had to and we ate cafeteria salad for months straight and survived!

WE ALL SURVIVED!!

With Great Love,

G, H & N

The End

And now we come to the end of this strange, wonderful, heartbreaking and magical story.  

It took great will and determination to make a family and it took great will and determination to keep a family together.  We fought for years to create a family of our own and at the end of this journey we have a wonderful daughter.  She travelled the world from India to Australia where she charmed her Aussie family and then moved on to Orlando where she provided just the hope that was needed.  

When called upon this same family mustered all of its powers to fight for a life on the line.  And the someone so sick pushed through it all to come back because he wanted to be in his rightful spot at the head of his family.   

A life created and a life saved.  And so the world keeps turning . . . . 

Love to you all -- 

G, H & N