How Far We Have Come With The Help of Strangers

After an exhausting morning on the phone with Qantas (I could wring that airline's neck), we headed over to our new favorite N Block Market to pick out a lovely sari (actually two) for our surrogate mother.  We had very much wanted to meet the twins' surromama personally.  We tried before the twins were born (but she was in the hospital and we were not allowed to visit) and after, but we learned yesterday that she has already returned to her village outside of Delhi.  It's a tricky thing and I understand that many people have a very different viewpoint on whether to meet or not to meet the surromama - but we have always been firmly in the camp of inclusion.

Maybe it's all the adoption books I read while we were trying to adopt and how much they pounded away about the loss complex of the mother and the baby and how important it is to be open and to let everyone acknowledge and grieve the loss because it's there whether you choose to look it in the eye or not.  We wanted to help our surromama get closer to closure and celebration and away from any latent feelings of denial.

It barely scratches the surface to say that carrying a child (or two) for nine months and giving birth is bound to be an emotionally connected act of love  -  paid or unpaid.  We wanted to acknowledge that act of love in person, to thank our surromama, to let her see that the parents she carried these beautiful babies for are good people who will raise them with hearts full of undying love . . . and mostly to let her see the babies she carried so amazingly, at least that one time.  But that will not be our history or hers.

We owe this woman who we have only seen in a photograph something like the equivalent of a hundred million thank you's.  She has given us more than we could ever have imagined.  More than you can pay for.  More than there are words to describe.  Our twins are alive and healthy and are now "ours" because of this woman who we will never meet.  A thank you note and a couple of saris will never be enough - the small miracles asleep in the baby suit, the one's that she carried for us because we could not  - are utterly priceless.  Thank you Chandana and god bless you always.

In the meeting department, we were successful on one count today!  We spent some time with Dr. Shivani this afternoon - our doctor and partner through this crazy surrogacy process.  We talked about everything from raising kids (she has a 3 year old herself, so understands our Wild Animal) to the stresses of Delhi, to surrogacy, to the nitty gritty of the hospital (she's opening/partnering with a baby hospital of her own which she will control and let me tell you, I am certain that when it opens it will be a way different experience from Paras and Phoenix).  Dr. Shivani is a beautiful woman and is successful beyond belief because of her own drive and real passion to help others create a family.   She is kind, but tough and practical and always has a smile on her face.

As we were sitting there it hit me that we could never meet again.  This woman who has been the guiding force behind the creation of our family and has been a constant part of our lives for the past 2 + years - now that our family has been created we won't be popping over to Delhi quite so often (or maybe ever) and this meeting may have been our last.  There have obviously been many people involved, and our children are the result of multiple acts of kindness by strangers - but Dr. Shivani has been there with us the whole way.  As we were sitting there in the beautiful lounge of her new center, with great a/c, white leather couches, cold water for everyone and pictures galore of all of the babies she has created (including Neve) - it really hit me what a true odyssey this has been.  It is very easy to get caught up in the day to day in Delhi and miss the big picture and I am sorry that I have been guilty of this.

I will never forget meeting Dr. Shivani for the first time in a tiny, hot, somewhat dirty meeting room at Phoenix hospital at around 9pm at night having just arrived in Delhi. We waited almost an hour for this first meeting because she was still attending to patients (something I came to appreciate more once we were actual patients!).  We were hungry, jetlagged and still carrying our American lawyer personalities with us (traits we now somewhat try to check at the Delhi door!).  I wondered to myself "what the hell are we doing?  this is totally insane!! dear god we have lost it for sure this time!!".  But after all of the other crazy attempts at family creation we had enthusiastically thrown ourselves into over the prior 6 years, this one seemed just crazy to enough to work - and a few months later it did!

I have had the opportunity to speak to many people who are interested in surrogacy in India and they always ask about control over the process and medical this or that - and I always say that you have to trust Dr. Shivani and her judgment.  She is looking out for your family and she will make the quick and sometimes hard calls that are necessary to get you there.  You can't micromanage her or anything in Delhi - so this is not the place for you if that's what you want.  Take a deep breath, let go, trust her, come to Delhi be annoyed, be overjoyed, go home as a family.

When we left Dr. Shivani's office today, I hugged her neck and started to cry.  This really came out of nowhere and I was surprised by my emotions.  We would love for Dr. Shivani to come to New York and do lectures and catch up - but realistically she will never be a part of our lives the way she has been.  And, what we have because of her is so immeasurable.  It all just hit me and the tears would not be contained. Again, a thank you and a hug do not seem like enough.  We love and thank you Dr. Shivani for keeping us strong and keeping us going and orchestrating the creation of our amazing family.

Ok, enough good byes and thanks for this one post!!

This may be a good spot to explain how surrogacy works here in India and in most places around the world.  I have been surprised by how many people have asked me this question so I think it's important to get the facts out there.  In a surrogacy situation, you would almost never use the eggs of the surrogate mother.  You typically implant an embryo unrelated to the surrogate so that there is no biological connection between the surrogate and the baby she is carrying.  This is done for obvious legal reasons and for emotional reasons as well.  So, just to be clear, neither of our surromama's is biologically related to our children.  That being said, we would never ever underestimate the emotional bond, the connection and the unbelievable love and physical toll that it take to carry a baby, much less twins to term.  Ok - that's it for surrogacy 101!!

We have four full days left in India and we mean to make most of them!

More later -

Love,

G H & N R G

No denying that these two are twins.  

Whatever we do, they nudge closer to each other!!

They are going to make a terrific synchronized swimming duo one day!

Some Wild Animal photos in the baby suite.

Anila getting in a tickle.

Jessica getting in a tickle!

Running on the bed - yikes!  

Great idea in general and even better with marble floors!

If the wild animal escapes India without a concussion it will be a complete miracle.

The Countdown Begins

Woke up to great news this morning - the DNA lab in California (Universal Genetics) worked over the weekend and had our results ready for open of business Delhi time!  There's a 99.9% chance that Ronan and Gemma are Hamish's biological children and that's good enough to earn the little guys citizenship and the blessed golden tickets - US passports.  We should have everything from the embassy tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest, then we do one visit to the FRRO for exit visas and we are free to go!  We are scheduled to leave Delhi next Monday (exactly a week from today) and so the countdown to our Delhi departure begins.

This trip to Delhi has been so different from our last.  It has felt more hurried and chaotic.  Perhaps this is the result of revisionist history on my part or perhaps this is just the reality of life with three babies verses one.  Perhaps it's the incredibly repetitive mall visits and all the caffeine that goes with them! We were in a bit of a new baby cocoon with Neve last year.  I feel like I spent hours sitting around the apartment staring at Neve, photographing Neve, blogging about Neve, oohing and awing over every little thing Neve did.  This time there has been little safe harbor baby time.

But cocoon or no, next Monday we sprout wings and part II of the sequel begins.  We leave in the morning for Singapore, have a bit of a layover - then catch an overnight flight to Melbourne, Australia.  Three adults, two infants and one Wild Animal - oh my!  We will be assuming full control of the twins - thank god and OMG!  The nurses are taking great care of Ronan and Gemma, but the little ones are showing signs of needing a full time Mommy and Daddy.   Once we are in and settled in Melbourne I somehow HAVE to weave up some silk and create at least a part time twin cocoon for both their sake and mine!

Our weekend was great - had a very festive dinner out on Saturday night and then a lovely lunch with Douglas and Chad on Sunday.  All so much fun that I did not manage a single photo!  We will miss our Delhi friends although everyone seems to be in preparation to flee the heat of the summer.

It was Anila's birthday yesterday and we had a cake and I used it as a great excuse to go back to my new favorite shops at the N Block Market to pick up a gift for her.  She was very sweet and shy about all of the attention - she smiled, giggled, grabbed the knife, cut the cake and then fed us each a bite - sort of like a wedding in the baby suite!  We will miss Anila - that's for sure.

So, this last week in Delhi my goals include (1) making sure Jessica sees something more of Delhi than our apartment and the mall - she's going to the Taj Mahal tomorrow, so that's a pretty darn good start, (2) prepare for full time twin care (gulp!) and (3) shop a little more!!

Take care!

G, H & N R G

Anila cutting her birthday cake.

Anila feeding Hamish cake while Hamish is feeding Ronan.

The birthday girl!

 

Good Times!

Some very excellent developments in this, our second journey to India to retrieve small humans: (1) terrific doctor's appointment for the twins at Paras Spring Meadows Hospital, (2) Jessica, our Wild Animal trainer, has arrived in Delhi fresh from Reno, Nevada, and (3) I finally found great shopping in Delhi!

On point one - 

We  took Ronan and Gemma back to the hospital yesterday for their two week check-ups.  I can't believe they are already that old! The pediatrician at Paras examined the little ones and found them to be in excellent health - hearts are good, lungs are good and, wait for it  . . . . . . . their weights are really up!  

Ronan is now 2.9 kg (up from 2.3 kg at birth and 2.1 kg on discharge) and Gemma is now 2.6 kg (up from 2.0 kg at birth and 1.95kg on discharge).  The rigorous stuffing by the baby nurses has paid off in scores and the twins have the milk blisters and the weight to prove it.  I will eat my words from the last post and go out on a limb by agreeing that these two are downright chubby (sort of, except in the ankles)!  

I have grown very fond of the pediatrician at Paras, Dr. Tandon, and have great faith in him and in Paras hospital in general.  Please keep in mind that my post on the hospital experience was colored by heat and the Wild Animal's antics and in retrospect I was not as fair to them as I should have been and I am sorry for that.  If we were to go for number 4, I would gladly have the baby born in Paras to the care of Dr. Tandon.  I would just leave numbers 1, 2 and 3 at home  . . .  in New York . . . . and I would do it in January not May!  Thanks Dr. T!!

Chubby Gemma cheeks!

On point two - 

I popped in the car at 8pm last night to meet Jessica our new friend/nanny/godsend at the airport.  She had been traveling for something close to 24 hours having come from Reno, Nevada and arrived perky and happy and ready to go.  Jessica is going to help us for the rest of our stay in Delhi and then she will go on with us to Australia and all the way back to New York (and on all the flight adventures in between!).  

Jessica is sweet and adorable and Neve took to her right away.  I just don't think that Neve realizes that Jessica is something of a professional in this field having studied child development in school and having a fair amount of work experience which small children.  Jessica is very kind with Neve, but she means business and we are beyond excited to have a professional in the house again.  I think Jessica is going to teach us a thing or two about taming Wild Animals.

We are thrilled to have Jessica with us and she has already made a big difference in just one day!!

[I LET JESSICA OFF THE HOOK FOR PHOTOS ON THE BLOG UNTIL SHE'S BEEN HERE LONG ENOUGH TO SHAKE THE JETLAG A BIT! THIS IS A PLACEHOLDER.]

On point three -

My new good friend in Delhi popped by this morning and took me out for a proper shopping trip.  This is our third time in Delhi and frankly I had given up on ever finding proper shopping. I have been shuttled through all of the tourist trap centers and have practically lived at the mall, but have always been - well, left unimpressed.  But, today, I finally found REAL shopping at the N Block Market.  Beautiful fabrics and bed linens and towels and pillows and clothes and more!  I did some damage, but now that I've got a taste, I will be back for MORE!!  It's going to be raining India for Christmas this year so clean out your linen closets and get ready!

Loot from the shopping trip!  Such beautiful things!

We are going out for a proper actual dinner outside the apartment at a real restaurant tonight without a Wild Animal tossing food and screeching at us.  I am so giddy with excitement - it's like we just got our IDs and are being let loose in a beer hall!  And this, to be followed up tomorrow by a fantastic family brunch in the beautiful embassy area of Delhi with our friends Chad and Douglas.  

WE ARE HAVING SOME GOOD TIMES OVER HERE IN DELHI - FINALLY!

Much love,

G, H & N R G

Neve examining her new big girl duvet!

Gemma semi-enjoying a bath.

Ronan in his Star Belly t-shirt - thanks Allison!

Gemma's little toes!

Neve checking the price tags and agreeing that we should go back for more!

Get your orders in now!!

A Walk in the Park

First I want to thank everyone who reached out to us after my "Tough Day" post.  It really does inspire us to keep fighting the fight knowing that we have so much support out there  - and the kind words from those of you that have more than walked in our shoes (parents of Delhi triplets, you know who you are!) were very reassuring.  The morning after the "tough day" we picked ourselves up off the bed, brushed off the Delhi dust (which just went to the floor to be picked up again by my feet and Neve's entire body!), examined the cuts and bruises and declared ourselves fit for another day!

Today we had plans to take Neve over to our new good friend's house in Delhi.  She has twin boys and a daughter 13 months older (sound familiar?) and she was having some other friends with kids over for an afternoon play date and invited us to join them.  That sounded perfect to me - a mall free day and the company of new fun friends (and possibly beer) - I was thrilled.  I planned the Wild Animal's naps with care, washed my hair, almost called the car and then the e-mail came.  One of her twins has a high fever - play date cancelled!!! Oh NOOOOOOO!!

Instead of a Delhi play date we muddled through the afternoon at home with the Wild Animal but I learned some good lessons.

(1) The Wild Animal is a grazer by nature even though she presents as more carnivore than herbivore.  She needs a lot more snacks than I have been providing and is in a much better mood if fed almost constantly (which is tough to do in the mall where she's too distracted to focus on food).

(2) The Wild Animal does not need to be dead exhausted to sleep.  If you want her to go to sleep earlier, you just give he a "ba ba", put her in the crib with Square (her pink security blanket which for some reason is a him not a her, ie "where is square Neve? Did you just put him in the trash can?"), close the door and just like magic, a little roaring, but then she goes to sleep.  What an amazing circus trick!

(3) The Wild Animal is getting smarter.  She now knows where her nose is, her toes are, can pick out the fish toy and the crab toy from the other toys when asked and says "boo, boo" when she wants to play the peek a boo game on the ipod touch.  With language will eventually come reasoned and rational behavior!! Or at least I can hope!

(4) The Wild Animal is pretty darn adorable and I should give her a bit of break.  She's one of a kind and I would not trade her for anything in the world!

The twins are doing their thing up in the baby suite.  They eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop, get a sponge bath, eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop, repeat daily.  That being said, with all the eating they do, they magically never seem to be eating while Neve is napping (and I could do some feeding).  I think when Neve goes up to the baby suite and tries to climb over the edge of the crib (which she is getting dangerously close to being able to do) she bullies them with secret big sister baby code not to eat while I'm available.  I swear that every time I get up there the nurse is just putting down a twin and pronouncing it's sleeping time - everyone is full up - and then scoots me out the door so as not to mess with the schedule!  Oh well, I will just keep trying!  I was able to sneak Ronan out for a quick photo shoot - see below (more on Grandparent's Corner).

Eyeing mr. crab!

He has the longest feet and toes and look at those skinny little ankles!  

So cute!

We take the twins tomorrow morning to their two week doctor's appointment (so I'll at least get to hold a twin for a couple hours tomorrow!).  This will, of course, include the big Weigh In we have all been waiting for.  Bets are being taken and all the bookies are on it!  Hamish is convinced they have both put on extreme amounts of weight and that Gemma is looking downright "chubby" in the face.  He pronounced this earlier today as we were staring at the twins asleep in the crib and I thought "what baby are you looking at" and then I saw his face and he had this "I love my babies" look in his eyes which was totally sweet and I did not want to burst his bubble by disagreeing.  I do think that weight has been gained and that the twins look healthy (skin wrinkles from lack of meat on the bones are mostly gone) but I'm not sure these guys will have any chance of being called "chubby" by anyone but a proud Daddy for a little while longer.  At any rate, we are all carbo loading tonight so that in the morning we can put our fattest foot forward as a family!

This evening we took Neve out for a walk in the park.  It was a balmy 90 degrees, the traffic was outrageous, the honking was deafening and Neve and her stroller were nearly run over several times, but she did not seem to notice and we all totally enjoyed the outing!

It's pretty green and lush in the park - they do a lot of watering!

Mean stray dog that was charging me as I took this photo!  

Someone in the park warned us that the stray dogs in the park are "ferocious" and I totally believe it. 

Pathways for jogging/walking.

Neve "making friends" in the park. 

Neve rudely pointing at new friend in the park.

Neve trying to steal the coconut dog toy from very nice (thankfully) 

golden retriever (not a stray) in the park.  

Veg stand on the way home.  

Neve looking bored and wondering were the mac n cheese stand is.

The walk home.

Security guards waiting for us outside of the gates.  

I think they were getting worried - very sweet!

Best photo yet of Ronan and Gemma - all tangled up in twin love!!

That's about it!  Take care and talk to you more later!  

Love,

G, H & N R G

A Tough Day

This morning we all arose early to head over to the US Embassy to start the citizenship process for the twins.  Anila, our favorite baby nurse, came with us and we ordered up the big van/car from Rahul to fit the whole family.  The ride over was a breeze, the babies slept, Neve sat happily in her car seat, the traffic was light - but that's about where the "breeze" part of this day ended.  Suffice to say, it was a longer and more difficult day than we were prepared for.  I will post details on the US embassy requirements once we get through the system and I can give a full account. For now, let's just say that my fellow Americans should feel very safe - not just any old infants born to two US citizens are getting US citizenship in India without a fight!

At the end of the day today, Hamish and I were finishing up dinner and basically talking seriously about all of the things we miscalculated to bring us to this point in this trying day and he said, "people said it would be a tough couple years and we just did not know how tough each day of that couple years would be until now."  OMG - how right you are my dear husband!  Please god let us survive the next couple years!

A narrative would take too long and would be too frustrating, so here's a list of some of the thing that went poorly today:

(1) The babies and Hamish were not allowed to eat or drink anything (that includes bottles) for at least an hour before we arrived at our embassy appointment because they had to do a mouth swab DNA test.  The test was done at least an hour late - babies do not understand not being fed - I had to make a scene - you can imagine the rest.

(2) Neve came with us to the appointment and when it ran much later than we had expected and well into her nap time, her mood grew, well somewhere between angry and unbearable.  At one point she was playing with two older boys (probably 5ish) at the lego table they had set up in the waiting room and she kept throwing legos, trying to eat legos, jumping up and trying to open the little faucets to the drinking water machine, pulling trash out of the 5 trash cans, etc. -  and one of the little boys loudly announced to the room "SHE IS VERY NAUGHTY!".   And absolutely everyone in the room laughed (except me).

(3) I am feeling like a failure at feeding the twins.   I look at the chart that the baby nurses fill in with the time of each feeding and the amount taken and then I fire up a bottle and give it a go and  . . . . I can never get either of them to take half of what the chart shows they had at the last feeding!  I feel like I'm trying to choke the poor little things with food that they don't want and at the same time I feel like the baby nurses are looking at me like I'm a total feeding failure and now their job is going to be worse because whatever baby I've fed will be awake in another 20 minutes wanting more food! Ughh!

(4) Neve had what I could pinpoint as her first real baby tantrum today.  It had been a day devoted to the twins, although I'm not sure how she knew that, and when she woke up from her nap we went up to the baby suite.  I was feeding (or trying my best to feed) Gemma and Anila was playing with Neve - then Ronan woke up and demanded a bottle so Anila popped one in and Neve realized that she was no longer the center of attention.  She screamed at my legs to no avail and then went straight to the biggest, nastiest power outlet in the room and started sticking her fingers in it and looking back at me.  I screamed "NO" very loudly (cause power outlets here are extremely dangerous) and in a mean voice just like you would to a dog, but that did not phase her so I all but tossed Gemma on the bed, grabbed Neve, gave her a pop on the butt and put her in a time out.  I can't tell if Anila was horrified or proud of me.  

(5) Our cook is, well, sloppy at best, and dinner was pretty ordinary, again.  Mr Mohank from our trip last year really spoiled us with his delicious meals and I really miss him and his company.

(6) I had to kill a bug on the kitchen counter top tonight right near where we dry the sterilized bottles - while holding Neve.

(7) The baby nurses won't stop giving the babies warmed bottles even though I've asked them many times not to.  That's not going to happen at home so PLEASE STOP!  

(8) EVERYONE JUST PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!

Is it possible to be postpartum over newborn twins and a child that was born 14 months ago - none of which you actually gave birth to?  I'm in a funk and I'm admitting it here and now.  I need to get more control over the Wild Animal and I need to edge out the baby nurses and get my hands on the twins.  I'm frustrated, we are all frustrated!!!! 

I've caught a few scenes of "Eat, Pray, Love" on HBO over the last few days and it has reminded me of the book and the message of the book - the whole neurotic, self absorbed woman who travels the world to fix herself.  After today, I think it's a sign.  I'm already half way through her journey sort of (she starts in Italy where she "Eats", then goes to India to "Pray" and ends up in Bali where she finds "Love").  India was her tough time and she had to dig deep just like I need to.  I'm in India and I really need to find more resilience and patience and inner mothereness.  I don't really have time to eat my way through Italy, but I can pray a lot in India and perhaps by the time we get to Australia I will bust out and find my inner balance with all of these children!!  

No pictures today because, well, they would not be pretty and the US Embassy does not allow it!

Love,

G, H & N R G

Happy Mother's Day

A BIG happy Mother's Day to the mothers of the world! Not just to you conventional mothers but to all of you expecting mothers (LPS!!), you future mothers (keep trying, it will happen for you!) and to all of you who mother others with no title attached.  This used to be one of my LEAST favorite days of the year (sorry Momo!), but it was a celebration that reminded me of the big childless hole in my life.  That has certainly changed and now I am a mother 3 times over, but I still remember the sting.  So, I want to open up Mother's Day to everyone who provides love and support to others - we are all real mothers and we all deserve to be celebrated today (and every day)!

I am personally celebrating Mother's Day by watching Spider Man in bed, eating chocolate and having my third tea of the day!  Again, not conventional, but to each his or her own - this is my idea of a good celebration day!  For the next hour, while the babies are all sleeping, I will happily indulge in this silly pleasure (even though, I have to admit that this movie is pretty atrocious thus the blogging!).

The weekend has been fun.  We went to a new mall yesterday (right next door to our old mall - go figure!) which has a great open space indoor play area for Neve.  It has lots of climbing apparatus and as a Wild Animal, Neve LOVES climbing, so she really enjoyed it.  I liked the people a bit better at the open playground than the Plastic Playworld set, so I may be giving up my membership card and joining this new open air play forum.  There's also a very nice (yes, I said nice, not just descent) food market in this mall and our refrigerator is now busting over - AND they deliver, for free, so I see a real future with this place!  We topped this mall excursion off with a lunch at TGIF (chicken caesar salad, hamburger with fries, coke from a large red plastic cup - the works!). I assure you that we are still in fact in New Delhi, India not Suburb City, USA!

After the mall, we came home, as you do, and had a cocktail party with some friends, Douglas and Chad, who we met last time we were in Delhi!  See pictures below of their 6 month old twin baby boys - these babies are ridiculously adorable and happy and smiley!  Chad and Douglas gave Ronan and Gemma the thumbs up and it was really nice to catch up with them and to see that they are doing so well!  It was also a trip to have newborn twins, 6 month old twins and the Wild Animal all in the same place -- such huge changes take place in the first year and it was like looking at some sort of discovery channel special.  Plus, a cocktail party was so super fun!!  We need more friends in Delhi to save us from the mall.  I think alcohol may be the lesser of the two evils! 

This morning Hamish went on his morning run with the security guard.  Yes, this has become a bit of a morning ritual.  The security guard now puts on his shorts and shoes after his night shift and waits for Hamish to emerge. He gets disappointed when Hamish does not show up, so Hamish now gets up for his regular 7am run and off they go - like it or not! 

I went out next for a run this morning and did my regular laps around the park.  On the way back, running along the road, I came up behind a man carrying a small girl.  She was Neve's size but thinner.  Her eyes were lined in dark mark-up and her expression was mature beyond her years.  She stared at me as I passed by and I could not take my eyes off of her.  She looked like a doll that was relinquished to her purpose - no fight in her, just a dead look of acceptance to her fate, whatever that may be.  I wanted to scoop her up and take her home with me, apply for an exit visa, wash off the make-up and let her revert to being a little wild animal herself.   

She has haunted me this Mother's Day - this possibly motherless child.  

So today, my heart and love go out to all of the mothers out there and to all of those in need of some mothering.  May you all be raised up by the glow of a mother's love.  May life be kind to you and when it is not, may you find a mother to scoop you up, save you, and provide you hope for a better future.

Much love,

G, H & N R G

Neve trying to "pet" Gemma.

In the moment prior to this photo, Neve ripped the pink blanket that used to be hers right off poor Gemma.  These twins better toughen up quick - it's dangerous living with a Wild Animal!

Ronan likes to hit poor little Gemma in the head. 

Neve with one of her fans.

Ezra and Cedric - adorable 6 month old twin boys!

The Wild Animal after a successful kill!

The cleaners love to arrange Neve's toys!

Gemma asleep under the covers.

Daddy and Ronan!

The Secret Affair

That's it - I have a confession to make and what better place to do it than out in the open public blog space for all so see!  I am seeing someone, well actually, two someone's on the side.  There, I've said it and I feel SO much better!  With Neve upping the attention ante and the baby nurses taking full control of the twins, I have taken to sneaking into the baby suite while no one is looking and stealing away with a baby or two.  We share secret moments together in my room in the afternoon plotting life with nanny help for Neve and without baby nurses and we have made wonderful plans for our futures together.  So that's it, I am having a secret affair with my twins and we are planning on running away together (and of course taking Hamish and Neve with us)!

This sounds like a joke, but is closer to the truth than I would like.  The twins are home and doing very well, but I have not gotten to really dig in and be their primary care taker and it's getting me down.  We came all this way to finally meet the twins and become a big family and now they are captive in the baby suite and I am running after the Wild Animal.  The baby nurses are doing a great job - don't get me wrong.  The current feeding routine is quite a undertaking and frankly they can get the twins to take twice the formula that I can.  They have magic feeding skills, I swear.

It's just all very murky waters with Neve being so needy and not having help for her just yet.  Luckily help is on the horizon!  We have the cousin of one of my besties coming over to help us with the rest of our trip and all the traveling and I am hoping that she can distract Neve long enough for me to really get my hands on the twins. Hamish keeps reminding me that this will happen soon enough and to be patient and so I will try. In the meantime I will have to be satisfied with stolen moments here and there with the twins and bide by time until our love can be out in the open for all to see.

Love,

G, H & N R G

Ronan telling Gemma about our BIG plans!

First bath for Ronan.  Safe to say he did not enjoy anything about it!

Gemma concurred.

Gemma decided that even after the fact she would 

let us know what a terrible experience that was.

My stolen afternoon with Ronan!! 

How adorable is he?!

Hitting Our Stride

We took the babies back to the hospital for a checkup and some blood tests yesterday morning and I am happy to report that after only 2 days home they are back up to their birth weights!  Yay!  With the amount of fatty fat formula being pumped into those two they are sure to double themselves in no time (which would mean they would still only be the size of roasting chickens but seeing as they are more the size of small guinea hens at the moment, that would be a big improvement!).  Something about small babies reminds me of fowl - what can I say!

The doctor's appointment went surprisingly well.  It's like everything here, just when you think you have something categorized and sorted out, it often goes in the opposite direction.  The doctor's office for appointments is in the basement of the hospital (ie cool all year round!!) and there were no people waiting so we were whisked in and out.  The doctor was very good (this is a different guy to the Sunday discharge doctor) and I am starting to really like him.  He did a very thorough exam of the twins and was very happy with their health. And in case anyone was concerned, after inspecting Ronan's diaper region, the doctor loudly pronounced that Ronan's "jewels" were in "EXCELLENT" condition!!!  This being important of course, as he told me, because men need to be able to carry on their lineage and it looked to him like Ronan has all the right parts to carry on and on!

After the babies were safely back at home, we took the Wild Animal (this is what I have taken to calling Neve these days) to her favorite place - the Mall!  Neve gets terribly bored in the apartment (even though it's twice the size of our apartment back in NYC) but in the Mall she turns on the charms.  We had what would have been a lovely lunch at an Asian fusion place in the Mall but the Wild Animal was restless and screechy and tossing food everywhere.  So on we went to the Plastic Playroom to let the Wild Animal romp a bit in her native environment (see photos evidence below).  I actually bought the value card for the Plastic Playroom so we can go at least another 10 times before we leave!!  How did this happen? Delhi has turned me into a Mall Rat Momma!!

So what else  - ok, yes, we are now starting the exit document process for the twins.  I, of course, am like "we have three weeks, what's the rush?" and Hamish is like "I don't want to have any issues so let's push to get it done."  And so the push as begun.  We had the photographers over to take the babies photos last night and that was a great improvement over last time with Neve.  They came to our house and had a very professional routine.  With a great show, they slathered themselves in hand sanitizer (a very thoughtful touch, I thought) and one acted as the baby handler, while the other snapped the pictures.  It was quick and easy and by 8pm last night we had a fist full of small passport photos.  They did a great job and in fact I am thinking of having them back to do a family portrait before we leave Delhi.  I swear Gemma's passport photo is the best picture we have of her so far!

Next in the process is to complete the US citizenship papers, the passport application and the Social Security application and take all of that with the birth certificates (when we get them) to the US embassy.  This time around it's a one stop shop at the embassy!  We do the DNA test at the same time as we lodge ALL the documents which saves several steps in the process (ie last time we had to do DNA, then citizenship, then passport, then the rest of it).  By my estimate, we should have citizenship and passports by the end of next week.  Only glitch could be the timing with getting the DNA testing back from the US.  We are not planning to leave until the 28th so I'm pretty hopeful that we have enough cushion built in for a few bumps which you have to expect here.  I hope have not jinxed us by just writing that out loud!

OMG - Neve JUST went down for a nap and is crying like she wants to get up!! WILD ANIMALS NEED THEIR SLEEP OR THEY ARE VERY DANGEROUS!!  I'm going to choose to ignore that for a minute . . . . . ., ok, there we go, all's quiet!  It's about time for the cleaners to come in to wake her up, so moment of calm is not going to last - I better speed this up!

I am LOVING our baby nurse - Anila.  She is wonderful with the babies and patient and sweet.  She just has this lovely manner and when she gets near a baby she starts talking in this little sing song voice that the babies LOVE.  This woman is in the right profession!  The Wild Animal has also taken to her as well and Anila finds the Wild Animal to be a fascinating creature.  Anila pretends to chase the Wild Animal and the Wild Animal scurries about, giggling and looking over her shoulder to make sure that Anila is still after her.   The Wild Animal likes to crawl up the marble stairs to the baby suite and hang out up there with Anila, grabbing creams and spurting them on the floor, taking Anila's beautiful sari wrap in her mouth, pulling dirty diapers out of the trash can, pointing at the crib and saying "baby", you know, the regular stuff.

The baby suite is the only room we have with a view - granted it's to the road and front gate, but it's still activity and the Wild Animal likes to bang her fists against the windows and watch the busy world go by outside.  There's a bridge that goes over the road just in front of us and people are constantly up and down it and the Wild Animal has actually gotten a few people to wave her - she's exceedingly adorable when she wants to be!

We have settled into a bit of a running routine in the early mornings now.  There is a very large park pretty close to us that we had been deterred from using because it's about half a mile away along two very busy roads (lot's of crossing - seemed too intimidating).  But, thanks to the ipad, we found a cut through road that is smaller with some markets and it goes almost from our apartment right to the back of the park (having an ipad has serious advantages here by the way!).  This park is like 3 times the size of the one we used to run in last year and it has hills (not a selling point for me, but still).  It is an absolute traffic jam of human walkers and the path is pretty small so we are really honing our passing skills, but it feels great to get out their and be a part of the life of the city.  I noticed a small children's playground in the middle covered with trees, so I may stroll down there with the Wild Animal one evening at dusk to check out the scene.

I went out first this morning and Hamish went next.  When he came back he stayed outside talking to the guards for a long time.  Neve heard him and was fussing by the front door, so I carried her out to see what was going on.  Hamish and one of the guards were sharing a glass of water and swapping running stories and I thought  -  how nice.  The guards (there are like 3 of them), as they always do, tried to get Neve to let them hold her - which has become something of a game to her.  They reach their hands out to her and say "come, baby, come, baby, come baby" in high pitched voices and she gives them a big smile like she might just let them take her and then she grabs me tightly and buries her face in my neck and everyone laughs, including the Wild Animal.

Turns out that when Hamish went to go running this morning he jokingly said to the security guard that he should come with him and, well, what do you know -- HE DID!  All dressed up in his long sleeved blue shirt, dress pants and flip flop/sandals, the night time security guard joined (and kept up with which is not easy) Hamish on his run around the park!  Now that must have been a sight!!  I have this image of people clearing the path as the Presidential candidate jogs by with his security detail!  We are starting to get to know the different personalities in our little apartment world and I hope we are on the verge of making some new friends.

I feel that we are finally hitting our stride here in Delhi and now we are off to the races!!

Love to all -

G, H & N R G

The Wild Animal in her natural habitat (ie enjoying Plastic Playworld).

This looks a little strange, but I swear no babies were 

harmed in the making of these passport photos!

Neve is really missing her baths.  She has to suffer through being 

splashed with boiled water (yes, we have cooled it!) in a bath chair.

Views of the street and overhead walkway from the baby suite.

I wish I had sound for you because this picture in no way 

conveys the noise and energy just outside this window!

View of front gate from baby suite.

The Homecoming

The twins are now home with us and I can't say it's a minute too soon.  I went yesterday morning with our day baby nurse, Anila (love that name), to take charge of the discharge of the twins.  Hamish stayed home with the little wild animal who of course slept the entire time I was gone!  The hospital was it's regular hot self and we had to wait in the hot lounge (with some little friends - not babies - see picture below) for the doctor to finish his "breakfast" before he would do the examination and let us be on the way (it was 11am by the way - "breakfast" must have gotten lost in translation).  

Once the doctor pronounced Gemma and Ronan healthy enough to leave, he sat me down in the hot lounge with other new parents awaiting his attention (privacy is not  big thing here) and went through a baby 101 seminar.  We need to feed them often (really?), no massage (cause it's hot), no powder (again cause it's hot), no baths for awhile (mention of my possibly drowning them if I as much as sprinkle water over their heads), something about a rectal thermometer (ouch!), general cord care (my alcohol wipes are not good enough and I have to buy special "spirits" down in the pharmacy), and some other sage advice.  Then he went on and on about the correct temperature for babies which in his estimate is between 24 C (75 F) and 26 C (79 F).  How strange I thought as I sat in a puddle of my own sweat seeing as it's got to be much closer to 100 F in here now!  You might want to take some of your own advice doc - no wonder my babies are wilting.

Bottom line on the hospital - I should have taken those babies out on day one.  Ronan's red face splotches were looking really bad and little Gemma's head was soaked in sweat.  Even though the babies are on a weight gain formula (that stinks something awful because it's so rich!) and were supposed to have been fed every 2 hours, they have both lost weight since birth - ugh!  Gemma is down 5% and Ronan is down 8%.  Anything above 10% is troubling and with pure formula fed babies on fatty fat formula, the scales should be moving in the other direction.  What have you people been doing to my precious babies in this "hosptial"!

 So the nurse bundled them up (not sure why) and Anila and I each grabbed a baby and bid the hospital a curt farewell.  When we got home, we took the babies up to their grand suite which had been cleaned and cooled down that morning and put them together in their fancy crib.  Anila made them little pillows and then set about readying to feed them.  Neve was up at this point and ran around the baby suite pulling whatever she could reach off of the top of dressers, trying to climb up the side of the crib and then settled on playing with the phone (ie wrapping the cord around her neck and smacking the receiver on the glass table).  I took Neve down for lunch and left Anila to it.

When Neve went down for her nap I came back up and Anila said (sort of in a surprised way) that the babies had each taken 50 ml of formula.  In the hospital, they had been feeding them only 30 ml per feed.  Ok, well, it does not take a baby rocket scientist to see where things have gotten off course.  The twins are a little slow in the eating department at this time (I mean really painfully slow!) and I think the nice hospital people sort of must have lost patience after about the 30 ml mark.  Anila and the night nurse, Marianna, are thankfully very patient and sit for about 45 minutes per baby stuffing them full of fatty fat formula!  Sometimes a feel a bit like they are force feeding little twin ducks for a very special foie gras - yuck - but in the long run this is what's going to pack on the pounds!! 

Turns out that in the last 24 hours the twins have consistently taken over 50 ml per feed!  Yay!! We have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow and we'll see what a few days with good home cooked meals has done for their waist lines! 24 hours in, I am also happy to report that Ronan's red blotches are almost gone and Gemma is really enjoying sleeping right under the a/c!  Home has been great - for all of us!  The twins are still frightfully small by my appraisal, but if we can pump them up on lots of fatty fat formula over the next couple weeks, we will surely get some meat on their bones before we travel!  

Things feel overall - well, really GREAT!  We are done with the birth anxiety and the horrid hospital visits and are all home as a big ole family!  I am LOVING it!  Neve slept an actual 12 hours last night (her regular at home) and has had two naps today, giving me some time with the babies.  I took Neve to the Mall after breakfast this morning and we had a romp in the big plastic playroom, a bottle and a caffe late, respectively, and a visit to the Food Bazar!  Hamish is getting stuck in to a bit of work and the office seems to be running smoothly.  We have now been out for not one, but two actual jogs in two different parks that are near us and that has been great (although best if done before 6am).  Hamish taught the cook to make pancakes this morning which he had never made before.  The first one was ok, the second better and the third was downright delicious - and he was so proud of himself that I had to sort of start liking him a bit more (and Neve is really taking to him, which means I really have to start liking him more)!

We are really blessed is all I can say.  There was a sick little baby in the nursery when the twins were first born and we spent some time with the parents in the hot lounge talking and waiting.  They had not named the baby yet because there was "too much tension".  It's a little tricky to be introduced to your newborns in the same small room where people are so worried about their own little baby hooked up to machines across the window that they have not even named him after a week.  We heard the doctor tell them the next day that the baby had a 98% chance of being perfectly fine - which sure made me feel a whole lot better, but that mother sure did not look like she believed it.  It's her job to worry and until her little baby is released from that hospital and is home with her, I seriously doubt the tears in her eyes are going to dry up.  

So we have been given not one, but three little miracles!  All very different and all a wonder.  To be here now, the mother of a big family of babies is a serious thing to contemplate given our history.  It's insane - an insane amount of responsibility, an insane amount of logistics, an insane amount of patience, and an insane amount of love.  When Neve was born people said that things in our lives would change and would never be the same.  They were right but only by a degree.  This time around, I can say with certainty that life as we know it WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!! We are outnumbered and out gunned and have to give over to being at the mercy of a merry band of babes!!!!  

Love to all -

G, H & N R G

Exterior Hospital

 Exterior Hospital Entrance

This lovely creature was about 6 feet above my head while I received the baby lecture.  

Luckily he did not have, "keep lizards away from the babies" on the list or 

I totally would have called him on it!

Gemma at home with mama

Ronan at home snuggling into his new pillow/puke rag!

Together again!! 

Ronan: "Where have you been these last few days? I'm so mad that I can't even look at you."

Gemma: "Thank god I can stretch my arms up now that you're not hogging all the space."

Gemma enjoying being a little princess!