Delhi Baby II: The Return of the Newborn(s)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A Tough Day

This morning we all arose early to head over to the US Embassy to start the citizenship process for the twins. Anila, our favorite baby nurse, came with us and we ordered up the big van/car from Rahul to fit the whole family. The ride over was a breeze, the babies slept, Neve sat happily in her car seat, the traffic was light - but that's about where the "breeze" part of this day ended. Suffice to say, it was a longer and more difficult day than we were prepared for. I will post details on the US embassy requirements once we get through the system and I can give a full account. For now, let's just say that my fellow Americans should feel very safe - not just any old infants born to two US citizens are getting US citizenship in India without a fight!

At the end of the day today, Hamish and I were finishing up dinner and basically talking seriously about all of the things we miscalculated to bring us to this point in this trying day and he said, "people said it would be a tough couple years and we just did not know how tough each day of that couple years would be until now." OMG - how right you are my dear husband! Please god let us survive the next couple years!

A narrative would take too long and would be too frustrating, so here's a list of some of the thing that went poorly today:

(1) The babies and Hamish were not allowed to eat or drink anything (that includes bottles) for at least an hour before we arrived at our embassy appointment because they had to do a mouth swab DNA test. The test was done at least an hour late - babies do not understand not being fed - I had to make a scene - you can imagine the rest.

(2) Neve came with us to the appointment and when it ran much later than we had expected and well into her nap time, her mood grew, well somewhere between angry and unbearable. At one point she was playing with two older boys (probably 5ish) at the lego table they had set up in the waiting room and she kept throwing legos, trying to eat legos, jumping up and trying to open the little faucets to the drinking water machine, pulling trash out of the 5 trash cans, etc. - and one of the little boys loudly announced to the room "SHE IS VERY NAUGHTY!". And absolutely everyone in the room laughed (except me).

(3) I am feeling like a failure at feeding the twins. I look at the chart that the baby nurses fill in with the time of each feeding and the amount taken and then I fire up a bottle and give it a go and . . . . I can never get either of them to take half of what the chart shows they had at the last feeding! I feel like I'm trying to choke the poor little things with food that they don't want and at the same time I feel like the baby nurses are looking at me like I'm a total feeding failure and now their job is going to be worse because whatever baby I've fed will be awake in another 20 minutes wanting more food! Ughh!

(4) Neve had what I could pinpoint as her first real baby tantrum today. It had been a day devoted to the twins, although I'm not sure how she knew that, and when she woke up from her nap we went up to the baby suite. I was feeding (or trying my best to feed) Gemma and Anila was playing with Neve - then Ronan woke up and demanded a bottle so Anila popped one in and Neve realized that she was no longer the center of attention. She screamed at my legs to no avail and then went straight to the biggest, nastiest power outlet in the room and started sticking her fingers in it and looking back at me. I screamed "NO" very loudly (cause power outlets here are extremely dangerous) and in a mean voice just like you would to a dog, but that did not phase her so I all but tossed Gemma on the bed, grabbed Neve, gave her a pop on the butt and put her in a time out. I can't tell if Anila was horrified or proud of me.

(5) Our cook is, well, sloppy at best, and dinner was pretty ordinary, again. Mr Mohank from our trip last year really spoiled us with his delicious meals and I really miss him and his company.

(6) I had to kill a bug on the kitchen counter top tonight right near where we dry the sterilized bottles - while holding Neve.

(7) The baby nurses won't stop giving the babies warmed bottles even though I've asked them many times not to. That's not going to happen at home so PLEASE STOP!

(8) EVERYONE JUST PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!

Is it possible to be postpartum over newborn twins and a child that was born 14 months ago - none of which you actually gave birth to? I'm in a funk and I'm admitting it here and now. I need to get more control over the Wild Animal and I need to edge out the baby nurses and get my hands on the twins. I'm frustrated, we are all frustrated!!!!

I've caught a few scenes of "Eat, Pray, Love" on HBO over the last few days and it has reminded me of the book and the message of the book - the whole neurotic, self absorbed woman who travels the world to fix herself. After today, I think it's a sign. I'm already half way through her journey sort of (she starts in Italy where she "Eats", then goes to India to "Pray" and ends up in Bali where she finds "Love"). India was her tough time and she had to dig deep just like I need to. I'm in India and I really need to find more resilience and patience and inner mothereness. I don't really have time to eat my way through Italy, but I can pray a lot in India and perhaps by the time we get to Australia I will bust out and find my inner balance with all of these children!!

No pictures today because, well, they would not be pretty and the US Embassy does not allow it!

Love,

G, H & N R G

8 comments:

Dan and ToddMay 15, 2012 at 2:24 PM
So sorry to read about your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, Gaelyn. :( It sounds awful!
It happens to the best of us.
Try not to get too down on yourself. You're doing an Amazing job and as you learned with Neve, more personal time with the twins will give you all the experience you need to eventually get them eating just as much as the nurses can.
Are you able to break away for an hour or so to a nearby spa? Sounds like you deserve an awesome back massage!
ReplyDelete
Replies
EdwardMay 15, 2012 at 3:39 PM
Repeat after me - if it's not a good time, it will be a FANTASTIC story....
Some days are harder than others. And some days are harder than the hard ones. That's just a fact with multiples....but I PROMISE you that the great days are remarkably so. When you are home, come on over for a visit...I assure you that you will see what I mean...but I suspect you will already know by then. In the meantime, take each day as it comes and keep writing...you are so darn good at it!
Hugs from afar...

P.S. I remember feeding our girls...those early days took up to 40 minutes to take 30ml/burp/settle...just in time to start the next one. If you haven't already, try to keep their feeding schedules slightly different to build a small window for a break, especially if you have help.
ReplyDelete
Replies
Charliecat & JohnMay 15, 2012 at 4:51 PM
I am so sorry, there will be good days and bad days. I can remember feeling oh so inadequate, especially feeding Lily which took forever, convinced i was starving her after Jessie could get 40 mls down her and the best i could to was a meager 20 ml. I couldn't imagine doing that all again with a toddler. Sleep deprived, stress and doubt all take their toll and everything seems worse than it is.
Take every advantage of the nurse, think of getting one for Neve for half a day play date to give you time with the twins, get some sleep and know that nothing will stop you getting home,promise
with affection...
ReplyDelete
Replies
lucyluMay 15, 2012 at 8:02 PM
The crappy days make the good days shine even brighter. I agree with CC, if you can afford it take advantage of the nurses for Neve, to distract her so you can concentrate a bit more without her trying to get your attention. Take care and hugs to you, your doing a great job even if you don't think you are :)
ReplyDelete
Replies
About Bernadette & DuaneMay 15, 2012 at 10:40 PM
Thank god! I was waiting for your first I Hate India Day-- totally jealous that things we're going so smooth in your neck of the woods. Now is the time to email me so we can arrange that get together. I am a Naughty Mommy and have tired of hotel seclusion. The mall is a necessity for my sanity and Scarlett has a great covered buggy so yes, I do take care her out once in a while. I know, awful! The nurses are about to fire ME for my bad parenting, hehe! I've got some great feeding tips from dealing with my preemies. Talk soon!
ReplyDelete
Replies
TomMay 15, 2012 at 11:51 PM
Actually, you sound normal, your children sound normal and I guess the embassy sounds horribly normal too. Luckily there's always a tomorrow. Hope you get some easier ones soon :)
ReplyDelete
Replies
pausamMay 17, 2012 at 5:09 AM
Feeling for you as it is sooo tough at times... especially having a needy toddler when you want to bond with the babies. And remember you are their mother.... and it will all work out and they will survive and thrive regardless of what the nurses say! Give yourself a break and have some down time...it will all look better/easier if you do.Once you are home you will find a routine that suits you and this will all be like a dark memory.
You're doing a fantastic job and I hope you keep up with the blogging ... it is great to read and also gives people a realistic view of how it all works and the stress that they will experience. Hugs P
PS I swear by the podee bottles as then you can feed them at the same time.....so then you can have some self time! :)
ReplyDelete
Replies
ashishkumarJuly 25, 2019 at 7:30 AM
Congratulations to you and the new family you helped create. It's an amazing thing that you have done...

ReplyDelete
Replies

Add comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Tips for Delhi Bound IPs:

Shopping: Last year when we were in Delhi, we did most of our shopping at the M Block Market. This time around we have preferred the City Walk Mall. There are two good baby stores at the end (near Zara). There are also 2 good western style markets at the other end (where you enter and exit). Only thing lacking at the City Walk is no real chemist. M Block seems to have gone down hill a bit and in the heat of the summer is fairly unpleasant.

Printer: If you need to buy a printer, scanner, copier because you are working while in Delhi, best place is Nehru Market. It's intimidating, but this is where you go for printers, computers, office supplies. Just so you are prepared, contrary to popular opinion, printers that you would recognize (Brothers, Canon) are NOT cheaper in India than in the US. Now we did have the guy in the baby store offer to sell us his printer right there in the store, but I'm talking about the new kind that come in sealed boxes with warranties.

The printer/scanner/photocopier has been critical for moving the exit process along. Much better than having to go out each time you need a copy because you need lots. And being able to print out documents from our e-mail has been critical.

For AUS citizenship documents, you will need A4 paper which you can also buy in Nehru Market.

Prices: Watch out for wanting to buy the cereal or soap you like from home. You will pay dearly for some of these things. H2O Body Wash (love it!) is $20 here and imported sharp cheddar cheese is an outrageous luxury.

Lawyer Visit: When we were here last year, we used a lawyer, Mr. Chawla, to help us with the exit paper work. This time around the process has been simplified and SCI is not recommending an attorney.

Privacy: I love all of the help here but am not used to having people around all day. Ladies, make sure you bring a robe! I would get one, but don't know where the robe market is!

Phones: We brought from NY our Vonage phone and internet connection. This has been amazing. We can call from our Vonage phone to anyone as if we are in NY. Skype has been great, but having the cheap phone is really helpful.

Baby in Hospital: When you get the call that the be baby is born, come to hospital with enough clothes (including hats and socks) for the baby, diapers and a bottle. The nurses will take them and use them on your baby while he/she is in the hospital. You might want to bring socks to visit your baby in the hospital as they make you take your shoes off in the baby area.

Bottles/Formula/Preparation: We have been using Dr.Browns Natural Flow bottles and have been very pleased. When the nurse took our bottle she said "oh, this is the good kind." We are using Nestle Nan 1 formula because that's what she got in the hospital. We bought it at M Block Market. We are boiling bottled water for the bottles and using a microwave sterilizer.

Diaper: You can buy pampers and wipes here. But, size one -- which is what you need for a baby under 3 kilos -- are harder to locate. Try M Block. We brought a suitcase of newborn diapers with us this time and although Hamish thought I was crazy it has been really helpful.

Clothes: Bring newborn sized clothes with you. For some inexplicable reason, it is impossible to find clothes for newborns here. If you are having twins - I would really not expect to rely on any of the clothes here. Bring tiny hats with you. I only have one that fits and looked for more but could not find anything. Bring rompers (one piece outfits with long sleeves and long legs) that snap in the front (no over head), have closed feet (no need to bother with socks) and which have the hand guards so that the baby can't scratch its face.

Transport & Bassinets: For Neve we used the Phil & Teds Nest for the at home bassinet (which we really liked and the mosquito net came in really handy). We used the Ergo with infant insert for outside travel (also good). The twins are too small to go in the Ergos so we are right now just putting the on our laps in the car and will only leave the house with them if we have to. If your baby is premature or you have twins the Phil & Teds cocoon is probably the way to go. We got spooked by the warnings on it that you should not leave a sleeping baby alone in it because the sides are not breathable. This time around we bought a pac n play at M Block Market for the twins.

Do not rely on SCI supplying bassinets, baby tubs, etc. They told us they would be able to loan us a bassinet for the twins and a crib for Neve and a baby tub and when we got here they said they were all already loaned out.

Bank Draft Check for Citizenship Application: You have to a branch of The Bank of India. We tried the Citi (where we are private banking clients) but they will not help you unless you have an account in India. They won't even accept cash (as opposed to taking it from an account) for the draft. Try to find a non-busy branch of Bank of India or it will be a long and painful wait. Seek help from your driver should you get stuck in lines that you can't manage. [NOT SURE THIS IS STILL ACCURATE.]

Cars & Drivers. Rahul has a car services that SCI clients use. Rachna will be able to give you the number directly or arrange for pick-ups. There are 4 and 8 hour minimums. These guys know where the hospital is, the SCI office and all the places you need to go for citizenship/passports/exit visas. If you find a driver that you like, tip him well and he will come back (and just to make sure, request him when you book). Your driver can REALLY make a difference in your overall experience and he can be really helpful in navigating situations/places where you are unsure.

Photos of Baby: Rachna will give you the number for a photographer who will come to your apartment take photographs of your baby for the citizenship, passport and exit visa and dna tests. I would wait until day 2 or so to do this (you won't have the BC back by then anyway, so no reason to rush on day 1) because baby has to open its eyes fully and that's easier the older the baby is.

For Australian citizenship, Dr. Shivani will endorse 4 of the photos and she will need to sign your Form 118 (for AUS citizenship). You will need these before you can apply for citizenship.

Birth Certificate: After the baby is born, you go to SCI and Rachna will help you fill out the birth certificate application and will file it for you. Rachna will also arrange for the apostile. You can pay with a credit card at SCI for these services

DNA Test Australia (accurate in 2011): Once the baby is born, contact the Australian High Commission to make an appointment with a panel doctor to have your baby dna tested. Because we live in the US, my husband had to be tested in Delhi as well (they prefer that you do the husband in Australia before you leave). If you are doing both the baby and the husband, double and triple check that the AHC is bringing two kits to the panel doctor. Make sure you have your passport with you. You have to have the 3 forms from the AHC filled for the dna test.

DNA Test US: The US is again requiring DNA testing. We spoke to a couple who had trouble with the lab they used in the US - results took 2 weeks. They suggest that you order the test from a center near your home and there is no reason to do that. When you call the lab make sure that they (1) will ship the test before the babies are born (the one in NJ would not do that), (2) confirm that they will get you the DNA results within a few days of receiving the sample and (3) confirm that they will e-mail the results to the embassy.

Citizenship (AUS) [accurate in 2011]: After you get the birth certificate, call and make an appointment with the AHC to file your citizenship application. Start filling out form 118 after the birth. Documents the AHC needed (along with a completed Form 118:

- Original Birth Certificate plus one copy (they will look over the original and keep the copy)

- Proof of Identity Photos of Baby (at least one endorsed by Dr Shivani or whoever signs you form 118)

- Original Surrogacy Contracts, Medical Records of Pregnancy and Baby's Discharge Papers plus one copy of all (they will look over the originals and keep the copy) -- you will pick up the originals of all of these documents from SCI but will have to get your own copies made

- Form 118 (completed)

- Birth Certificate for Genetically related AUS parents or parents plus a copy (they will review the BC and keep the copy)

- Passports for both parents plus copies of the name pages (they will review the original and keep the copies)

- DNA Test results (do not need results to file application for citizenship)

- Statutory Declaration (which needs to be witnessed by an appropriate Australian, or if you are not in AUS by the consulate which which the AHC person can call over for you.

- No Objection Letter from non -AUS parent. Not required if two Australians.

- Original Marriage License plus copy (they will review the original and keep the copy)

- Legal opinion/report from attorney re surrogacy contracts

- Bank Draft [ours was for INR 5500], drawn in favor of the "Australian High Commission" and payable at "New Dehi"

We did NOT need tax returns.

Australian Passport: When you go to your AHC meeting ask if the consulate can come over and look over your PC8 application for the passport. You might be able to lodge it at the same time if you have all that is required. You are going to apply for an emergency passport, although form PC8 does not list that as an option.

List from the consulate includes the following:

- completed form PC8

- Original Birth Certificate of Baby

- Australian Citizenship Certificate

- Proof of Australian citizenship for parent

- 2 passport photos of baby (size 35mm x 45mm, face front) endorsed on back

- passport fee and emergency passport priority fee, all payable in INR

** You do not need a guarantor for form PC8 unless you are applying for a non-emergency passport

US Citizenship: Will post more once we start the process. Note that Nancy Hamilton is no longer at the US embassy in Delhi. Your contact person is Karin Leishman (LeishmanKR@state.gov) and you should contact her before you come over so that you can confirm you are bringing all the paper work you need.