Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A Tough Day

This morning we all arose early to head over to the US Embassy to start the citizenship process for the twins.  Anila, our favorite baby nurse, came with us and we ordered up the big van/car from Rahul to fit the whole family.  The ride over was a breeze, the babies slept, Neve sat happily in her car seat, the traffic was light - but that's about where the "breeze" part of this day ended.  Suffice to say, it was a longer and more difficult day than we were prepared for.  I will post details on the US embassy requirements once we get through the system and I can give a full account. For now, let's just say that my fellow Americans should feel very safe - not just any old infants born to two US citizens are getting US citizenship in India without a fight!

At the end of the day today, Hamish and I were finishing up dinner and basically talking seriously about all of the things we miscalculated to bring us to this point in this trying day and he said, "people said it would be a tough couple years and we just did not know how tough each day of that couple years would be until now."  OMG - how right you are my dear husband!  Please god let us survive the next couple years!

A narrative would take too long and would be too frustrating, so here's a list of some of the thing that went poorly today:

(1) The babies and Hamish were not allowed to eat or drink anything (that includes bottles) for at least an hour before we arrived at our embassy appointment because they had to do a mouth swab DNA test.  The test was done at least an hour late - babies do not understand not being fed - I had to make a scene - you can imagine the rest.

(2) Neve came with us to the appointment and when it ran much later than we had expected and well into her nap time, her mood grew, well somewhere between angry and unbearable.  At one point she was playing with two older boys (probably 5ish) at the lego table they had set up in the waiting room and she kept throwing legos, trying to eat legos, jumping up and trying to open the little faucets to the drinking water machine, pulling trash out of the 5 trash cans, etc. -  and one of the little boys loudly announced to the room "SHE IS VERY NAUGHTY!".   And absolutely everyone in the room laughed (except me).

(3) I am feeling like a failure at feeding the twins.   I look at the chart that the baby nurses fill in with the time of each feeding and the amount taken and then I fire up a bottle and give it a go and  . . . . I can never get either of them to take half of what the chart shows they had at the last feeding!  I feel like I'm trying to choke the poor little things with food that they don't want and at the same time I feel like the baby nurses are looking at me like I'm a total feeding failure and now their job is going to be worse because whatever baby I've fed will be awake in another 20 minutes wanting more food! Ughh!

(4) Neve had what I could pinpoint as her first real baby tantrum today.  It had been a day devoted to the twins, although I'm not sure how she knew that, and when she woke up from her nap we went up to the baby suite.  I was feeding (or trying my best to feed) Gemma and Anila was playing with Neve - then Ronan woke up and demanded a bottle so Anila popped one in and Neve realized that she was no longer the center of attention.  She screamed at my legs to no avail and then went straight to the biggest, nastiest power outlet in the room and started sticking her fingers in it and looking back at me.  I screamed "NO" very loudly (cause power outlets here are extremely dangerous) and in a mean voice just like you would to a dog, but that did not phase her so I all but tossed Gemma on the bed, grabbed Neve, gave her a pop on the butt and put her in a time out.  I can't tell if Anila was horrified or proud of me.  

(5) Our cook is, well, sloppy at best, and dinner was pretty ordinary, again.  Mr Mohank from our trip last year really spoiled us with his delicious meals and I really miss him and his company.

(6) I had to kill a bug on the kitchen counter top tonight right near where we dry the sterilized bottles - while holding Neve.

(7) The baby nurses won't stop giving the babies warmed bottles even though I've asked them many times not to.  That's not going to happen at home so PLEASE STOP!  


Is it possible to be postpartum over newborn twins and a child that was born 14 months ago - none of which you actually gave birth to?  I'm in a funk and I'm admitting it here and now.  I need to get more control over the Wild Animal and I need to edge out the baby nurses and get my hands on the twins.  I'm frustrated, we are all frustrated!!!! 

I've caught a few scenes of "Eat, Pray, Love" on HBO over the last few days and it has reminded me of the book and the message of the book - the whole neurotic, self absorbed woman who travels the world to fix herself.  After today, I think it's a sign.  I'm already half way through her journey sort of (she starts in Italy where she "Eats", then goes to India to "Pray" and ends up in Bali where she finds "Love").  India was her tough time and she had to dig deep just like I need to.  I'm in India and I really need to find more resilience and patience and inner mothereness.  I don't really have time to eat my way through Italy, but I can pray a lot in India and perhaps by the time we get to Australia I will bust out and find my inner balance with all of these children!!  

No pictures today because, well, they would not be pretty and the US Embassy does not allow it!


G, H & N R G


  1. So sorry to read about your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, Gaelyn. :( It sounds awful!
    It happens to the best of us.
    Try not to get too down on yourself. You're doing an Amazing job and as you learned with Neve, more personal time with the twins will give you all the experience you need to eventually get them eating just as much as the nurses can.
    Are you able to break away for an hour or so to a nearby spa? Sounds like you deserve an awesome back massage!

  2. Repeat after me - if it's not a good time, it will be a FANTASTIC story....
    Some days are harder than others. And some days are harder than the hard ones. That's just a fact with multiples....but I PROMISE you that the great days are remarkably so. When you are home, come on over for a visit...I assure you that you will see what I mean...but I suspect you will already know by then. In the meantime, take each day as it comes and keep writing...you are so darn good at it!
    Hugs from afar...

    P.S. I remember feeding our girls...those early days took up to 40 minutes to take 30ml/burp/settle...just in time to start the next one. If you haven't already, try to keep their feeding schedules slightly different to build a small window for a break, especially if you have help.

  3. I am so sorry, there will be good days and bad days. I can remember feeling oh so inadequate, especially feeding Lily which took forever, convinced i was starving her after Jessie could get 40 mls down her and the best i could to was a meager 20 ml. I couldn't imagine doing that all again with a toddler. Sleep deprived, stress and doubt all take their toll and everything seems worse than it is.
    Take every advantage of the nurse, think of getting one for Neve for half a day play date to give you time with the twins, get some sleep and know that nothing will stop you getting home,promise
    with affection...

  4. The crappy days make the good days shine even brighter. I agree with CC, if you can afford it take advantage of the nurses for Neve, to distract her so you can concentrate a bit more without her trying to get your attention. Take care and hugs to you, your doing a great job even if you don't think you are :)

  5. Thank god! I was waiting for your first I Hate India Day-- totally jealous that things we're going so smooth in your neck of the woods. Now is the time to email me so we can arrange that get together. I am a Naughty Mommy and have tired of hotel seclusion. The mall is a necessity for my sanity and Scarlett has a great covered buggy so yes, I do take care her out once in a while. I know, awful! The nurses are about to fire ME for my bad parenting, hehe! I've got some great feeding tips from dealing with my preemies. Talk soon!

  6. Actually, you sound normal, your children sound normal and I guess the embassy sounds horribly normal too. Luckily there's always a tomorrow. Hope you get some easier ones soon :)

  7. Feeling for you as it is sooo tough at times... especially having a needy toddler when you want to bond with the babies. And remember you are their mother.... and it will all work out and they will survive and thrive regardless of what the nurses say! Give yourself a break and have some down time...it will all look better/easier if you do.Once you are home you will find a routine that suits you and this will all be like a dark memory.
    You're doing a fantastic job and I hope you keep up with the blogging ... it is great to read and also gives people a realistic view of how it all works and the stress that they will experience. Hugs P
    PS I swear by the podee bottles as then you can feed them at the same time.....so then you can have some self time! :)

  8. If your boss lambasted at you of late and you nearly escaped a termination, it’s time for you to take a week off and pamper your senses. Go for a relaxing spa in Delhi to forget the chidings of your boss. Just unwind your body, mind and soul and enjoy Jaypee’s warm hospitality.

  9. Congratulations to you and the new family you helped create. It's an amazing thing that you have done...